Correctness

Anti Vaccination Activist Still Doesn’t Have Polio

Calgary
The Correctness Press

A local anti-vaccination activist is suing the Alberta government over “Orwellian vaccination programs” that have left her utterly without a trace of polio.

Whinnie Choad held a press conference today to address her claims that her parents and the medical system “gambled with” her life. “I was only a child, and I had no choice in the matter of my vaccinations,” she said, completely free of polio. “How could they have done this to me? It’s a violation of my human rights”, she continued, standing on her totally undeformed legs.

Dearest Remaining Fan:

http://comedycoup.cbc.ca/the-cutbacks

TBinns and RRT are in this crazy competition to win a TV show from Our National Broadcaster. Please go view it, share it, like it, follow it, review it, relike it, etcetera. If we were paid to bring you content, you’d see more content. For realsies.

http://comedycoup.cbc.ca/the-cutbacks

I’ve been thinking about game mods lately. For those not in the know, mods are user developed “add-ons” for video games that change the appearance or the features of a game. They’ve grown increasing popular in the last decade, and for some game like Minecraft, they’re pretty much standard for most players.

The thing I love about mods is they represent a brilliant opportunity in the evolution of gaming. They’re an example of the feedback loop in action. The old development cycle was this:

Developer has an idea -> build game -> tests -> release game -> moves on to next project.

But with the advent of online forums and social media, fans are much more vocal about what they want in a game, and while I’m the first to warn content creators about trying to please ALL of the people all of the time, the fans are not only speaking, they’re now creating.

If we think of mods as the individual’s way of responding to the work(the game), mods are essentially a way to add something that was not there, or missing. To that end, while not every mod needs to be embraced and cherished, really popular mods must represent something the players want or need.

The Correctness has shared a LOT of opinions about pretty much everything we’ve ever discussed. In the pop culture internet world, it’s easy to both find something to have an opinion on, and also to share it. It’s also very, very easy to be lulled in to thinking that the more vocal someone is, the better their opinion is. In a world with Twitter, a thought can be retweeted and parroted instantly around the world, long before it’s thought through or reflected on. Sites with message boards can quickly form a “line” on subjects and excoriate any one who strays from it.

It’s been a very long time since anyone posted to The Correctness. No shame, no blame. We’re busy folks, very busy. Tbinns is tackling toddler-raising and full time writing, RobbieRobTown is in intensive care after yet another Wendigo attack, and I’ve been creating Lego projects non-stop. But I still love The Correctness. So I’m updating […]

This week: An All X-Men battle as Kitty Pryde takes on Storm

Let’s get it on like a freshly loaded bong.

This week, Wonder Woman takes on Jean Grey. (Note: We’re using the most current, non-Phoenix version.)

 
In the past few years, The Correctness has brought you the Superhero Smackdown, which was quite popular and contentious to some.Next was the Villains turn, and a bonus Team Smackdown. Then the Action Smackdown. All of these were presented with tasty sidecards brought to you by RobbieRobTown.

So this year, it’s the ladies’ turn, pitting 16 of your favorite comic book gals against each other for the prize: bragging rights.

Here it is, you primitive screwheads! It’s the smackdown you (both of you) have been waiting for! Based on no criteria other than hunches and snap decisions, the smackdown will go like this:

1. Ramona “Rammy” Flowers vs Carrie “Robin” Kelly

2. Rogue vs Storm

3. Phoenix vs Wonder Woman

4. Kitty “Can’t Touch This” Pryde vs. Bat Girl

See More…

The time has come. We here at The Correctness have made the bold choice of refreshing the site. Why, you ask? Because it is supposed to distract from the lack of content we’ve been producing lately. Don’t worry, your Christmas gift this year is we are readying the SuperLady Smackdown, but first, an explanation about our absence:

After months of non posting and neglect I have been forced to come to a very difficult decision…

…….

Hey want to see Tbinns do some stand up?

Dear Correctness Readers,

Orphan Black is a new science fiction series starring Canadian actors, made by BBC America, and registered in Liberia as “The Princess of the Seas”. A lot of people (we imagine would) have been asking us to explain the plot arc of the first season (if we were still a popular alt-comedy nerd website), so we thought we’d do a public service (to our ourselves), and really break down this hot new show (way into the first season so nobody will pay much attention)!

Dearest Correctness Reader (Marc):

We here at The Correctness have noticed a disconcerting trend in metaphor and simile construction in recent years. We aim here to set the record straight- and you’ll note we just used both a targeting metaphor as well as a police record / trial metaphor (as well as some kind of embedded meta-metaphor about straightness and correctness being associated, but we digress). We do this not because you care, but because we are bored and single again, and we have just had an important birthday and have accomplished virtually nothing of any relevance or lasting significance with our lives (We, of course, are using the “royal we” here, because we are referring to TBinns and Admin_Rock.).

Not sure if it’s just co-incidental timing, or studios wanting to burn these films off in the slow season, but we’ve been hit with the 1-2-3 punch of action films starring some the greatest names in Action cinema.

In 1988, if you told me I’d get a Stallone, a Schwarzenegger, and a Bruce Willis film within months of one another, two things would be true: It would be summer, and I would be really happy. But 1988 was a LONG time ago. Now it’s 2013, and this triple threat is well… sad.

Perhaps known more for her cosplay potential than what she does as a character, Power Girl is nevertheless one of our most requested heroines here on the old Correctness Casting Couch, so let’s stop wasting time and get right to it shall we?

Hey folks, just got word that The Correctness has a panel spot for Calgary Expo 2013. That can only mean Live Smackdown! I’ll post the details when we have them.

Well kids, myself and my good pal Trevor Campbell have taken a kick at the old podcasting can.

Okay, so I’ve been busy.

Like, “let some guy write 12 articles about the Chipmunks Christmas album and just let that shit slide,” busy. And by busy of course I mean lazy. Horribly horribly lazy. So I confess I have been spending more and more time on Cracked lately. (Cracked…with an “ed” on the end, let’s make that perfectly clear.)

DECEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH: HOPE
We’ve reached the final chapter of Ross Bagdasarian Sr.’s magnum opus. Christmas with the Chipmunks is coming to a close, and so is my review. As well as my ability to write any reviews at all. Apparently, someone didn’t get the “remember to use the back entrance” memo.

DECEMBER TWENTY-THIRD: AFTERMATH
“Jingle Bell Rock” is a tricky song. It makes perfect sense to have a “hip”, “current” Christmas song that “wasn’t written a hundred years ago” included on the album, but does it work thematically? After all, Christmas with the Chipmunks was written to bring about world peace, to show humanity a new way of life, one of giving up the old ways that have so poisoned our society. And how else to wipe clean thousands-of-years-old traditions, and their anthems, than by turning them into novelty music, the lowest form of art?

I apologize for yesterday’s bizarre article. It would appear my new contact here at The Correctness doesn’t know the difference between a fairy tale and a song review. So if you’re reading this, Mr. Sullenger, know that you’re fired. It’s bad enough that you had to call the Waltons while I was staying at their house—while they were on vacation! They’d never notice I was there!—and get me thrown in jail, but if you’re not even going to post the right article, I don’t know why I even pay you. Don’t come back to the abandoned Lloyd’s Skating Rink. I rather like having my new office there, and I don’t want your incompetence ruining that too.

DECEMBER NINETEENTH: DOWNFALL
There once was a man who lived in a tiny cabin on the outskirts of a small mountain town. The man desperately wanted children, but as a florist, he had long ago taken a vow of celibacy. Not wanting to break his vows, yet still wanting a child of his own, the man grabbed his lantern and ventured off into the woods to ask the trees for advice.

DECEMBER SEVENTEENTH: RECURSION
“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is a curious song, in that it functions not only as a synopsis of Christmas with the Chipmunks—each “day” representing the corresponding track—but as the denouement to the “Seville-ization” saga that began with “Silver Bells”. And since it is only the ninth track, it also gives us a glimpse into what comes next on the album.

DECEMBER SIXTEENTH: HOMUNCULUS
An obvious metaphor for Dave trying to play god and give sentience to that which should stay inanimate.

DECEMBER FOURTEENTH: DESTRUCTION
When last we saw the Chipmunks, they had been brainwashed into behaving like normal, human children by their adoptive father, Dave Seville. The indoctrination continues in “Over the River and Through the Woods”, wherein Dave introduces the concept of grandparents to a species whose lifespan rarely exceeds 3 years.

DECEMBER TWELFTH: CIVILIZATION
Up until this point, every track on “Christmas with the Chipmunks” has contained a story of its own, with a beginning, middle and end. Up until this point, Ross Bagdasarian Sr. has been holding your hand and walking you through the scary parts. Up until this point, the album makes sense. But not any more.

DECEMBER NINTH: SPITE
Anyone familiar with “Christmas with the Chipmunks” can tell you that “Christmas Time (Greensleeves)” is, without a doubt, the worst track on the album. It’s agonizingly slow, the harmonies are stale and familiar, and none of the Chipmunks sound like they even enjoy singing it. Most people assume that at this point, Bagdasarian simply began running out of ideas. And who could blame them?

DECEMBER EIGHTH: PERFECTION
I apologize sincerely for not providing a link to “The Chipmunk Song” yesterday. Apparently the public library though it would be a fine idea to block the Youtube website from its patrons. I find it strange that a library would ban information from the public, especially considering their policy against book-burning, but I digress. I have found a new location from which to post my articles, and I know for a fact the owners won’t be home from vacation for at least another two weeks.

DECEMBER FIFTH: ENSLAVEMENT
Finally, a day where the heading matches the actual date on which the article is posted! Perhaps, when I stop my foolish habit of relying on others, this will become a more likely occurrence. But really, what kind of self-respecting public library closes at 8:00 p.m. on a Monday? Had I known I was going to have to break in to write this article, I would have brought my glass cutter. But of course, I didn’t, so I had to throw a garbage can through the window.

DECEMBER THIRD: DEATH

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. And I have learned that the same applies if you want your “Twelve Days of Chipmunks” series to start on the first of December.

I had a perfect plan. One day for introductions, twelve days for the songs, and most importantly, it would end on December 13th. But I suppose “taking care of children” and “having a job” got in the way of Admin_Rock’s duty to post my article. Fine. At least now, I can post my masterpiece under my own name.

(Intern Ellis upstages all by actually filing an article. Admin_Rock posts it a day late).

DECEMBER FIRST: INTRODUCTION
Ah, December. That wonderful time of year when we set down our quarrels, pick up a mug of hot cocoa, sit by the Shaw fire log and turn on our favourite Christmas album, Christmas with the Chipmunks. And if that’s not your favourite Christmas album, turn off your computer.

Okay, so the Who(or what’s left of them) are touring “Quadrophenia.”. And yes, Paul McCartney is touring again. And yes, Led Zep is releasing a Blu Ray of the 02 concert. But fuck all of that. I went to THE concert event of the year last night. Not since they broke up over merchandising rights in 1978 have Figrin D’an and The Modal Nodes been together on the same stage.

Admin_rock looks cautiously around the room. Seems okay.

Hey Dudes and Dudettes. We’re moving the site to a new host, and thus, things might be wonky (almost certainly) until Admin_Rock figures out how to do it properly. Expect weirdness for the next few days. See you on the other side.

Dearest Readers:

You know, if you’re just generally angry at everything like I am, especially at Fox “news”, then you are often at a loss, in the moment, to specify what is bothering you about someone or their infuriating statements. How many times have you been enraged but incapable of explaining, at the time, what has enraged you? It happens to me constantly. Once I’ve had a few days to determine what conceptually profane or illogical propaganda disgusts me, I’m too far out of the offending conversation (or news item) to fix things. Climate change doesn’t exist! There is no such thing as poverty! The Bible says you can’t have asian friends! What? None of that makes sense, but I think I’ve heard all of that. Thus, I present to you, a list of multi-purpose complaints that can be printed and kept in your pocket for just such an occasion. You will not have to recall a single detail of the troublesome stupidity you encountered, simply read this statement, and claim your right to be logical later.

You thought you knew all the Transformers didn’t you? Well, you also thought you’d touch a real boob someday and it turns out you were wrong about that too. There are millions and millions of Transformers out there, just waiting to blow things up around Shia LeBouf and a random girl with a sweaty midriff. Sure, the Michael Bay movies have all the important Transformers, Like Bumblebee, and Megatron, That green one, Amos N Andy, and of course *Optimus No. But not every Transformer makes the cut, and it’s our duty at the Correctness to enlighten you.

I SUPPOSE there are some SPOILERS in here. You were warned.

Dearest Readers:

(Admin Rock: We at The Correctness would like to welcome Intern Ellis to the team. Already, he’s become a prolific writer for the team, he’s only one post behind Tbinns for the year. Also, Intern Ellis is not a total douche, like Intern Benji.)

We are fast approaching October 21, 2015. If this date rings a bell for you, congratulations! You’ve seen Back to the Future: Part II! And since you remember that specific date, you’ve probably seen it more than once! Alternately, October 21, 2015 is your future child’s birthday and you really need to stop planning ahead. Anyway, by this point you’re probably asking yourself a question we’ve all pondered at some time or another:
“WHERE ARE THE FLYING CARS!!?”

ADMIN_ROCK: Well, finally dragged myself to the laptop, and I’m here to provide an update for Friday. Let’s see…. waited in line, walked a few feet, waited in line some more. Apart from that, I scored a couple of pretty sweet Lego minifigs (Phoenix and Captain Marvel), met JMS and had him sign the best panel he’s ever written (the “reveal” moment with Ezekiel), and moments later had a really short conversation with Jim Lee about my Lego Mosaic. Verdict: “Yeah, great, that’s really nice”. (“Keep moving, fanboy”). CubReporterK and I went to a panel on Justice League and what lies ahead, and Thursday I also went to a “Court Of Owls” panel which had some cool stuff on the future of Batman. Also visited the Revolution area, NBC is really pushing this show! Then back to the Lego booth for a while, where Gene Simmons waltzed through.

CubReporterK and I have journeyed down to Comic-Con. Our journey down has filled with airplanes, shuttle bus waits, and a fight with Shelob. So far the biggest line was waiting to get in to the bathroom. More as it develops.

@BrickwaresThank you Lieut. Cmdr. keep steady course , at full speed.

— Bruce Boxleitner (@boxleitnerbruce) July 3, 2012

That is all.

A Case for Prometheus (With some spoilers)

Okay, it’s about time I took my turn trying to defend something in our nerdy universe that I think you, dear readers, may have misjudged. I think you misjudged Ridley Scott’s Prometheus.

“RobbieRobTown,” you will say, “firstly, where have you been, and secondly, what happened to your brain to make you so retarded?”.

Hey folks, just a quick Friday morning note to remind you all to drink enough water, take your vitamins, and be safe out there. Also wanted to let you know that things are rocking and rolling here at The Correctness. We’ve moved to a new office (slightly smaller, more manageable), and we’re taking on a […]

Hey folks, things have been a bit sparse post-wise lately, with many things going on in our various worlds. Since it’s Monday, and I’m on a Father’s Day food hangover, I’d go easy today, and do a nice relaxed general pop culture check in. So let’s dive right in. Don’t be confused, the stuff discussed here isn’t all new and upcoming, it’s just the stuff I’m “consuming” right now.

Dear Customer:

I am writing to apologize.  While you too were spending your Friday night at the Best Buy perusing BluRay discs, you at least were in the company of two openly nerdy friends, whereas I was alone, and listening in. Also, I was gassy, so if you detected a smell coming from A-D, I was having a reaction to Aeon Flux.

When your two openly nerdy friends (A nerd couple! A rarity!)  asked if anyone had seen THX 1138 you described it as weird. This description was apt, and totally fair. I am apologizing because of my unnecessary commentary. Without looking up at any of you, I added, simplistically: “I am forced  to agree. It is super weird.”

Admin Rock here. But you probably knew that. Wanted to weigh in on something I’ve been pondering for a few weeks now. While the geek community can be very flash in the pan about certain things, we do tend to obsess endlessly about most things we love. If you don’t believe me, consider that Star Wars opened in 1976, and we STILL endlessly debate its merits. (I’m still on Team “Bored with it now”.) So I have a question: What the hell happened to Game of Thrones?

Jerksicles:

How do you like our new look, suckbuggies? Are you sucking about towne in your suckbuggy thinking “Holy Nutmothers! This new look is badass!”

Well, you can park your suckbuggy on ‘Nad Valley Road and Taint boulevard, because our new look is so in your face, it’s a moisturizer! Made of poop! That’s a poopsturizer, you grape-enablers.

Well, due to powers out of our control, there was no Smackdown panel at Calgary Expo this year. We’re looking at returning for next year, and also possibly one or two cons in the USA this year (more as it develops). So instead, some of Admin_Rock’s Expo adventures…

I had booth for my Brickwares Lego stuff, it looked like this.

When I was a young boy, my father was always giving well timed and meaningful advice. When I was first learning to ride my bike, he turned to me and said “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear”, and I knew that he meant if I wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up it would be okay with him. On another occasion, as I was dealing with a bully, he leaned down and whispered in my ear “Do you think you could take your old man in a drinking contest?” and I knew that he meant I should follow a path of non-violent resistance.

(ed: SPOILER WARNING – This article makes reference to plot events from “The Walking Dead”.)

Last week, we posted an episode review from a show from the future. As the primary author, I had written the bulk of it, and then asked RobbieRobTown to have a look at it, to see if he had any insight or notes. The article was mostly my effort to recreate that feeling you get when you see people obsessively carrying on about something you’re completely unfamiliar with. In the midst of the article, I decided to add one specific outright joke.

A lot of our twelve readers have been asking us: “Hey, can you Canucks at The Correctness explain Super Tuesday to us? It makes no sense”. Well, rest assured, the two or so of you that are still reading, we have done extensive research and we are now ready to explain not just Super Tuesday, but the primaries in general.

Webster’s dictionary defines “primary”- I don’t feel I need to go on, if you want a definition, go look it up.

I read this article in which the author attempts to defend the political shrewdness of Star Wars Episodes 1-3 over 4-6…

http://movies.yahoo.com/news/why-star-wars-prequels-better-original-trilogy-160300514.html

which comes off like a debate student charged with defending an unpopular topic. He attempts to draw parallels between the post 9-11 world and the world of the prequels. As Phantom Menace came out in 1999, and Attack of the Clones was well in to production by the time 9/11 happened, this is a bit laughable.

But it got me to thinking: Is there any ground on which one COULD claim superiority of the Prequels?

Read More…

Hey folks, Admin_Rock here. So you know how we talk about the Live Smackdown from time to time, but none of you have ever seen it? Well, hold on to your pants, or possibly the pants of a friend, because we have a 3 minute clip for the 2011 Comic Expo craftily edited by RobbieRobTown. (Video shot by the amazing Andrew Phung.)

WATCH! As we move through the bracket.
SEE! Admin_Rock get cut off a number of times.
MARVEL! At the Marvel of it.

Not too long ago, Dear Reader, I sent a detailed information package to the Discovery Channel about my idea for a new series. It was rejected. I have posted the emails between Discovery and myself below, so you may decide for yourself how bad my idea was.

Hey kids, Happy New Year and all that jazz. I’m back from vacation in Palm Springs and Mesa, and ready to get going for another year. I see everything went smoothly in my absence… What? No Action Smackdown Final?

Linking the poll at the bottom of the article. You should be able to vote for up to 3 items. If I missed any (pulled these off Wiki), let me know, I will add.

That’s coming this Friday, because I said so. In the meantime, thought we’d look back at the movies of 2011, and yap about those.

Because I love most of you, and tolerate others (and the Intern can suck it), here is a present.

Read More

A Very Justice Leaguey Christmas!

By RobbieRobTown and TBinns

It was the morning of December 24th, high above the earth on the Justice League satellite. Actually, it might technically have been December 23rd in some places – these things are tricky when you are in orbit. Business was winding down for the holiday season, and despite news that well-trained, radioactive weasels had burrowed into Lucas “Snapper” Carr’s anus and eaten him alive from the inside out, things had been quiet.

1:

Dear Kellogg’s:

You are no doubt aware that you are the manufacturer of Frosted Flakes. If you are not aware of this fact, you should be.  I am going to presume you are, indeed, aware. Of this fact.  You guys make Frosted Flakes.  Your “Frosted Flakes”, which are puffed corn of some variety or another, have the unlikely mascot of an anthropomorphic tiger, who wears a scarf for some reason. This he does, and I can only surmise, because Tony is a gang member, or possibly a barnstormer.

ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week, The Bride versus Jason Bourne in an episode we like to call: Bourne to be Mild!

Let’s get it on like a black lace thong!

It occurs to Admin_Rock, as he sits at his computer this morning, that maybe posting a hypothetical gun battle to the death is not the best way to honour the fallen on Remembrance Day (Veteran’s Day for our American readers). So he’s unilaterally decided to postpone this week’s Smackdown entry to tomorrow. There aren’t a lot of things we get serious about here, this is one of them.

We will post this week’s chapter tomorrow.

It seems that Eddie Murphy, in a show of solidarity for a douchebag will no longer be hosting the Oscars.

I can’t say that I’m sad, especially after last years debacle. Thanks Academy, for dragging my beloved Anne Hathaway through the mud with your crappy writing and pairing her up with a stoned co-star who apparently thought he was supposed to host it ironically.

From Tbinns (Hellboy) Mrs. Tbinns (Squirrel Girl FTW!!!) and Tbinns Jr. (New 52 Superman complete with jeans)

Have a great one everybody!

ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week, The Tomb Raiding Lara Croft takes on The Man With No Name, who sports the most annoying character trait of all our combatants.

A short while ago yours truly wrote some sketches and sent them in to a sketch comedy show. They shot a couple of them and I stumbled across one of them today. Please enjoy “Laugh Track Larry” by yours truly, Tbinns.

Found this story by way of Josh Flanagan at ifanboy.com.

Basically, some douche who writes for Men’s Health and Maxim took some pics of people in costumes at the New York Comic Con, and made fun of them because they weren’t totally cut.

We here at the The Correctness do our fair share of mockery and castigation, but generally ours is well written and makes an effort. Buddy’s piece is just mean spirited and of crappy quality.

ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week: It’s Sarah “You’re terminated, mister* (Edited for AMC)” Connor vs. John “Yippiekayaye Marty’s Uncle” McCLane. Who has the most metaphorical balls, and who will face Judgement Day?

A Terse, Disappointed Review of DC’s new Green Arrow #1

This week, RobieRobTown takes on yet another of the New 52 in the DC Universe! What will he say? Find out below!

(Ed: This article was found in a copy of The Correctness magazine from RobbieRobTown’s trunk. His car can apparently travel through time, as the magazine is from the year 2230. We’ve presented it untouched.)

Attention Ladies and Gentlemen and Unbeclarebs!!! Exciting news from the South, as the AppleOmniCorp announces the much awaiteb launch of the iPhone 134. Some of you out there were concerneb that this launch was going to be for the 133 G. Well, guess again! It’s a full flebged 134, complete with a grab bag of new features to make even the most bevout Morrisseyist brop it all and heab to the Glomomart!

For those who don’t know, which I have to assume is all of you because if you DID know you are taking WAY too much interest in my personal life, I am in the process of developing a half hour comedy show. I’ll spare you the painful details about how many times I’ve had to rethink the concept owing to being beaten to the punch, but I believe I’ve hit on something that works now. We’ll leave it at that. I have a producer attached, who got us a little funding to write a pilot, and then, something rather marvelous happened.

ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week: James T Kirk vs. Jason Bourne and his whole identity! It’s a match made in Space Hell, where malevolent gaseous beings push you, the reader, around for 2000 words, and that’s just the comments section!

More than I hate the TV Show “The View” and that is saying a lot.

Just for the sake of context, please take a listen to as much of this as you can stand. I made it about a minute and a half in.

Last week the DC relaunch #1 of Catwoman was the object of much controversy for a non-nude sex scene between Catwoman and Batman. I’ve always said that comics as a medium are not a child’s art form. This without further comment is the picture that appeared in my head as people got upset to an irrational level about a story aimed at adults.

ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week: Mad Max of, uh, those Mad Max movies vs Han Solo, recurring peripheral character in the Sit Com known as Star Wars

The rules are simple, and can be found HERE.

Hey kids. Smackdown will be up shortly. We’ve had a issue tracking down an opinion. Or… ah hell, we’ll blame Benji.

An Erotic work of fiction by Tony Binns

It was difficult to tell whether it was the beat of the club, or my own heart pounding in my ears, as I was being lead back to an intimate corner of the VIP Lounge. It started simply enough with a smile and a wry comment.

Continuity Entropy: a process of complication or muddying the history of a character to a point where all explanations of the character have to start with something like “well, when they restarted Wonder Woman in 1987, Steve Trevor wasn’t her boyfriend so …”

No matter how fresh your reboot, you only have a few years before your storylines become so integrated that you can’t possibly have a new reader jump on at any issue.

Read more…

As we prep for the big non-super action movie hero Smackdown, there was some discussion about the line John McClane says in the screen classic Die Hard 2: Die Harder, “How can the same s*** happen to the same guy twice?” and if in fact the same thing continues to happen for the next two installments or if it was two of the one thing, then two somewhat different things.

This led to a free-form Round Table discussion of Die Hard.

Jim:

A while back here on my comedy website thing, which is highly regarded by my mom, I invited Emma Stone to enter the “Win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest. She did not enter then, nor has she submitted an entry since I reopened the contest earlier this summer.  To be fair, Emma Stone hasn’t the foggiest idea who I am, or if I am charming, homicidal, or both. So, to preface this letter without any further speculation, I am not writing this to tell you to keep your mitts offa my lady, as such a statement would be untrue, sexist, and incalculably fucktarded.

You can feel it in the air.

Like the sour sweet wind that blows, and denotes that Halloween is , in fact, Grinch night.

It’s subtle, so small if you weren’t paying attention you’d almost miss it. But nevertheless it’s there.

There was a huge announcement last week that caused ripples of excitement, terror, joy and disdain throughout the Geek Community. Ridley Scott would be making another film in the Blade Runner universe. No word on whether it’s a a prequel, a sequel, or otherwise with Harrison Ford’s participation being called very unlikely. When we heard the news, we figured it definitely called for a round table…

THE NEW BLADE RUNNER PROJECT….THOUGHTS?

This article is a follow up to one that was written one year Ago today…

Sometimes, a nerd can only take so much. We have a high tolerance for insults, forged on the third floor, west side near English class, as the jocks wandered by. But occasionally, we must hit back. To that end, The Correctness now arms with you the sharpest ripostes, the most bon of bon mots with which to savage your opponents.

Listen, I’m not one to bag on things… Okay, I’m TOTALLY one to do that, but seriously! I came down to San Diego this past weekend, went down to the Convention Center, expecting to get my geek on, and … it’s just terrible. There was no Marvel booth, no DC booth, no movie studios previewing […]

Okay so last Friday, at 4:30…right before the long weekend, I get a call from Tbinns, who hasn’t shown his face around the office for at least a week. It goes something like this.

TBINNS: Hey Benji, what’s going on?

ME: Not much, just wrapping up some stats, about to head out…what’s up?

A loooong time ago, we ran an article in which I endeavored to explain some complicated aspects of movie plots for the sake of our readers. It didn’t end well. It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, and the pain i feel when I think about it is much like the pain I feel from the box “papercut” I got from some printer boxes in the middle of the aisle at Best Buy this morning. (Seriously, big box stores, quit filling the ample aisle space with pallets of stuff. It’s annoying, and sometimes painful.)

So, I think I’m finally ready to try again, with the saved up mail from last time.

Dear Correctness Readers:

Since the addition of our new intern, Smunchy, or whatever his name is, I have been soft pitching him awesome ideas for your comedic enjoyment. Like, underhand soft-pitching. “Hey, Krunkles”, I have been saying about the office, “here are some amazing ideas to base an article around. All you have to do is stir and enjoy!”

“I’ll get right on it!” Blumpie would say.

Here is a list of ideas that Ringo has totally neglected to turn into articles for you people.

1. Mumford Cuthbert’s Comfort Cupboard

It’s a mattress store. The proprietor is named Mumford Cuthbert. It sounds a bit like “comfort”. The tagline for the hilarious advertising is “It’s Mumcomfortable!”. How the fuck is this not funny, Benji? Are you too busy having your sexual sex with your female human girlfriend to write this script? Disappointing.

2. A Case for: Covington Cross

Holy Shitsnacks! Is that Covington Cross?

Saw Captain America last night. Very well done, a not so comic book-y comic book movie. Here’s a deleted scene from late in the film (No Spoilers).

When DC rebooted Superman in 1986 they ended the old version with one of the greatest Superman stories of all time, Alan Moore & Curt Swan’s “Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?”

This summer’s Superman arc is about the return of Superman’s murderer, Doomsday who is doing Doomsday-ish stuff to the supporting cast of 1993’s “Reign of the Supermen.”

Read More…

Hello everyone. My name is Benji Halverson, and I’m the new summer student/intern for The Correctness. I’m a 3rd year student in the Journalism/Communications program at Mount Royal University.

You’re probably curious as to how I was picked for this job. Short answer, I was away when the practicum/internships were being chosen, and it was assigned to me. When I found out a little more about The Correctness, and spent a bit of time reading the site, I went back to my professor and explained that there had been some kind of mistake, that The Correctness isn’t a news site, but he told me it was either this or a job with the Prince Albert Daily Herald. I chose this.

Planet of the Apes Film Fests

Last year when a friend of mine invited me over to watch a film on his mondo-fantabulous home entertainment setup, he told me to pickup a blu-ray of whatever I wanted for my first HD giant screen experience and I chose the 1968 Planet of the Apes with Chuck Heston. I didn’t have to buy it though, I had purchased the Apes original series blu-ray boxed set months before owning a player.

Read More…

The Correctness will be performing live this Saturday (July 16) at the special Hot Nuts and Popcorn show. We will be performing a skit that is very near and dear to our hearts. Hot Nuts is a great show, and the proceeds from the door are going to help out our buddy Derek pay some legal bills so that he can get back to New Zealand to be with his son. If you’re up to nothing, come on out, and make sure you say hi to us while you’re there!

Hot Nuts and Popcorn
Saturday July 16, 11pm
Loose Moose Theatre
Second floor of the Crossroads Market, 1235 – 26th Ave. S

Also, RobbieRobTown and Admin_Rock will be performing in the show immediately before that, an improvised show called Gorilla Theatre. Same location, 8pm.

The Ungiving Tree

Once there was a tree and she knew a little boy.
She was okay with him-

The Correctness is expanding once again! Don’t worry folks, it’s not like a West Coast Avengers thing. We’ve added to our staff in a few ways. First off, our intrepid Cub Reporter Keith (@CubReporterK on twitter) has his own byline now, so you may be seeing a few more articles by him popping up.

In addition to that, The Correctness has agreed to take part in the Summer Intern program offered through Mount Royal University here in Calgary, and we’re pleased (maybe) to announce that we have our very own intern. Please welcome Benji Halverson (Intern_Benji) to The Correctness. He’ll be tasked with things like writing some “insider” articles, to give folks a feel for what things are like here in the office, as well as improving the air flow through the bullpen, and maybe sorting through the stacks of comics etc, and organizing things for us.

Welcome everyone!

Dear The Correct…go get your headphones and meet me back here in five.

Oh good, you’re back!

This was a tough one to narrow down. As a Prog Rock fan there are tons to choose from, but after much thinking and humming and hawing I think I found my faves. Again I would like to point out the difference between “The Greatest” and “My Favourites” keep that in mind when you rip me a new one in the comments section. But yes, do let me know what I’ve missed.

I’m out for a walk!
What a perfect night for this.
Lilac in the air.

Oh, shit. Goddamn it.
A truck mounts the curb. Assholes!
Easy to spot them.

Seatbelts unbuckling.
They check for cops and see none.
This looks bad for me.

Truck with a Hemi
That is a big engine, boys.
compensating for…?

Melissa Skowron over at Creatively Impaired took in the Expo over the weekend and had a great time. Then she put on a pair of roller skates and kicked some ass at the Super Heroines versus Zombies Roller Derby. She was kind enough to drop us a line and give us a shout out in her review of the Expo. (We are mentioned at around the 6 minute mark) She’s new here, and she doesn’t know that generally speaking, she is supposed to insult us. Thanks for the kind words Melissa, and you can check out some of her artwork/comics over at www.thecreativelyimpaired.com.

Because the first one was so terribly popular. (I just played my Irony card +2/+2 to all snide remarks.) This time however we have included a few surprises…now you can add the members of The Correctness to your deck! Join us for the exclusive sneak preview that has Magic fans everywhere declaring “Who the fuck are the Correctness?”

My son recently took on the Justice League, and we have the Photos!

Dear Writers of the Green Lantern Movie who I am too lazy to IMDB:

Some of our regular readers here at The Correctness know I am not an expert on all things Green Lantern. I made a whimsical comment at one point about Hal Jordan getting his powers from being bitten by a radioactive lantern, and a few nerds took offense and sent death threats. As a consequence of my ignorant and insensitive comment, I was shipped away by my fellow contributors at The Correctness to Green Lantern boot camp. I read “Secret Origins”, “Rebirth” and “Sinestro Corps War”. I even got started on “Blackest Night”, which I have had the courtesy not to confuse with the “Dark Knight” which is a different thing in your DC universe entirely. The Dark Knight was the guy who got bitten by the radioactive bat, whereas I am now aware that Hal Jordan’s powers are generated by an immense night-light on the planet Oprah. All sorted.

Having learned so much about the Green Lantern(s), I must say I was shocked when your film strayed so far from the origin story I was familiar with. I was agape (agape? a grape?) – I was a grape in the audience at my local multiplex when the story onscreen was so wildly different that I almost thought I was in the wrong theatre!

Dearest Readers:

It was a wild time at The Correcteness panel at the Calgary Comic Expo! Literally dozens (Dozen. Half dozen. Four.) of our regular readers showed up for vote for their favourite heroes in an epicesque battle to the deathish! Not only that, but the Calgary Con saw the sudden and triumphant re-opening of  the “win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest, at the behest of Summer Glau (who I am sure was dropping me a specific hint in an audience of 5000 people).

There were 7 contenders in the Smackdown this year, and the audience voted in a favourite hero as well. Before I go on to list who was in the battle this year, may I just say that if you give the audience a choice on who is in the Smackdown, they will make obscure, irrational choices to spite me.

by Guest Columnist and mother of my child, Mrs. Tbinns. Take it away, sweetie.

Thank you.

Dear Correctness,

It has recently come to my attention that my husband’s handle has become a verb for posting gratuitous photos of beautiful women, often in next to nothing. To make matters worse, none of these so called lovely ladies are me,

Tbinns compares the fall of Magneto and Vader…and there be spoilers ahead

Hey kids, Admin_Rock here. Our intrepid cub reporter Keith was pondering over on facebook, as to the plight of minorities in comic books. It ended up being a fun trivia exercise, I thought I’d bring it over here.

Keith asked “Nerds: List Asian comic characters who a) don’t know martial arts and b) don’t use a sword. Extra points if they were born in the US. The list is probably as long as native American characters who aren’t shamans.”

So, let’s hear it. Show us how extensive your comic book knowledge is.

Admin Rock blabs about some LEGO thing he built over at Brickwares.

Check it out over there.

Click here and behold the Glory… BEHOLD I SAY!!!

Memo from: God Almighty

To: Harold Camping

Re: The Rapture

Dear Harold,

Do I go to your crappy radio station and start telling you how to do your job? Then why, Harold, do you insist on telling me how to do mine?

Why Puny Humans no leave Hulk Reboot Alone?

As part of our continuing service to you, The Correct, we continually find things for you to be in favour of. In our crazy, fast paced, webmanic society, it’s easy to miss something. Our “A Case For” series presents something (a TV show, film, Book, Band etc) that might deserve a look.
Our first installment “A Case For: Farscape” was presented by one of our regular readers, and we encourage that sort of behavior. If you have something you’d like to make a case for, write it up and send it to us at admin@thecorrectness.com . See the end of the article for more info.
This week, we bring you A Case for “The Incredible Hulk” Louis Letterier’s 2008 reboot, brought to you by Tbinns

Oh, hello Correctness Readers. I didn’t see you there. I literally didn’t, because I wrote this in the past, from your point of view as the reader, and you are not at the moment wherever you are right now when you will read this, or more clearly, when you are currently reading this, ie: you are reading this now, but not then (your past) when I wrote it, so I couldn’t see you there because of the linear passage of time.

Plus a Vogon Poetry contest…details inside!

Just a quick post to let our Calgary and Area fans that The Correctness will be making a rare live appearance at the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo this year. More info as it arrives, but at this point we’re anticipating doing a Live Smackdown.

Good news Correctness Fans!

While our American friends are busy watching the same 45 seconds of footage of a bloody mattress in Pakistan tonight, I am dedicating myself to bring you live Canadian election coverage. I’m ready, I bought a bunch of snacks n’ shit. You can get all of your news right here at the TheCorrectness.com. I assure you, great pains will be taken to be as accurate as I always am. I am legendarily accurate. Lots of people know me as the accurate source of the Green Lantern origin story, and now you can all get to know me as a trusted news source. A lot of you followed my gripping updates on Valentine’s Day, and I can only hope to keep you just as engaged as I did then…

For Our American, or Apathetic Canadian Readers.

Canada is one of the greatest countries in the world…not because of our leadership but rather in spite of it. We have an election coming up. In the states, these occur every four years. In Canada we have one every four weeks it seems. So as a helpful guide to this quagmire of accusation and cronyism, the Correctness is pleased to present the Coles notes version of the mess we are currently in

Tbinnsing – (verb) The act of gratuitously posting pictures of attractive actresses/models in articles for the express purpose of ogling shamelessly, with only the barest of connections to the topic at hand. (Orig. AdminRock)

It has recently come into vogue to turn my handle into the aforementioned verb. I think that is painting me with some rather broad strokes, and diminishes some of the work I do around here. This whitewashing makes me out to be some kind of a horrible perv, or worse a 411 mania staff writer, who will post pictures of celebrities going out to get coffee, and make some sort of comment on how tight her jeans are.
I never wanted this to be that kind of a site. I had a dream for this place and it did not involve indulging my Hot Nerdy librarian type fetish…

Cannot stop playing Minecraft. It is pure evil in computer game format.

(not mine…found on net)

Games like Dragon Age and Fallout, hell even Civilization think they’re all addictive and such, but they have no idea of the insidiousness that is tunneling through the darkness towards them.

I now fall asleep with stone bursting in my head, and the faint hissing sound of certain doom around the corner SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! respawn.

For the record…Admin Rock is NOT a series of cartoon vignettes from the 70’s set to catchy pop tunes intended to teach the value of administrative work to children watching Saturday morning cartoons.

We’re heading towards summer, and to comic book fans, that always means a big old crossover. Sometimes, crossover events can be world changing issues of awesomeness, and sometimes, they can just be an excuse for crappy storylines that force readers to buy a ton of books they normally wouldn’t.

We put Crossover Events under the microscope, and see what comes up.

Dear Zoosk:

This is your current advertisement. I hate it. I do not hate wantonly, but I freely and unabashedly hate this ad. It makes me want to jab pencils in each ear so that the last sound I hear is the sound of HB graphite in stereo. It makes me want to give myself a new optical prescription by scraping a potato peeler against my corneas. It makes me want to swallow one hundred “Do Not Eat” silica desiccant packets so that my last bowel movement will violently rocket a dusty puff made of my intestines and what’s left of my soul into the sewer. Let me tell you what is wrong with this ad.

0:00 : Here are 4 attractive women in a coffee shop. They are there, I assume by the sunlight, around mid day? Let me start again: Here are 4 attractive unemployed women. You can tell they are unemployed because they are dressed casually, they all appear to have nothing better to do, and one of them is sitting on the floor for some reason.

Dearest Correctness Peeps:

There have been some mixed reviews for Sucker Punch, and I would like to do what we do best here and tell the negative reviewers why they are so very, very wrong. So very wrong. I saw Sucker Punch recently (in IMAX, where it was delightfully large, and verging on too loud…) and I can assure you that it rocked my socks so so hard my socks became molecularly unstable and evaporated out of my shoes. That’s some serious sock rock.  I don’t know much about Brownian motion, but i order for my socks to be rocked completely off some serious energy would have to have been harnessed, and then directed at my socks. I’m going to try and do this without spoilers, and just encourage y’all to get out of your basements and go see this film on the big screen before it disappears. Is this one of those positive reviews that I get paid for? AHAHAHAHAH, no, I just sincerely think people are missing some really impressive details in this film. I really liked it.

The Correctness Classics Illustrated version edited by Tbinns. Illustrations by Tomass

Our good friend Tomass over at Androgynous Kelly gave us his take on the recent propagation of Gandalf related goodness. Check out more in the post.

Over at Periannath.com, they’ve posted a wonderful article in response to our “10 reasons why Gandalf is a terrible wizard.”

Unlike the responses over at fark (which are usually much better, this time they felt unenthusiastic), they go beyond the “U R SUCK” level, and actually engage in a debate about the topic, adding some reasons why Gandalf is a great wizard.

Thus, in the spirit of debate and discourse, we implore you to head over and read

10 Reasons Why Gandalf is The Greatest Wizard Evar

Dearest Correctness Readers:

Due to recent concerns about certain members of our writing team and their certain problem with a certain kick-ass wizard, it behooves us, nay, it behooves ME, your faithful master of the undercard, to write a fair fight for a maligned magician.

Today’s undercard pits two white bearded old men against each other in a battle to the death for the love of humanity. In this corner, over by your start button, (or for those of you more civilized, over by your finder icon in your dock) is Gandalf The Grey/White, Wizard King of the Lollipop Guild and whatnot! In this corner (if I understand the placement of competitors in wrestling or boxing correctly, and therefore somewhere over by your search window, or by a post-it note of who to call when your Dell crashes), is Santa Claus, Jolly Fat Greed Bringer!

Let’s meet our two warriors and see who truly is the beardiest battler!

Admin_Rock isn’t one to stand on ceremony or suffer fools lightly. He says what he thinks, and he’s Correct. Today, 10 reasons why Gandalf is a terrible wizard. What’s that? You thought he was an awesome wizard? Put the bong down, turn off the Pink Floyd, and step into the current decade. School is now in session.

Hello Correctoids.

As you know, I maintain my own twitter feed, @RobbieRobTown, on which I occasionally tweet thoughts of tremendous importance. However, one such incident resulted in an inexplicable hack of my account… I think… Allow me to explain.

I tweeted the following:

“In Green Lantern Rebirth, they chase Parallelogram back into that big lantern on Oprah. Does that mean they have to fear The Colour Purple?”

an Open Letter to Zack Snyder

Dear Zack

You would think it would be the easiest thing in the world to get right, but no one has made a decent Superman movie since the early 80’s. (It’s a fact of SCIENCE!!) Everyone knows what Superman does. Everyone knows what he’s like. And yet, know one seems to be able to get it right. Well The Correctness is here to help, so pay attention …

Hello Dear Readers!

Recently the staff here at the correctness saw an act of supreme nerdiness on display, and instead of just sharing it with you, we took it upon ourselves to go one step geekier, we squared off, and took it to irrational ends!

First, we must give props to this nerdgasmic idea: Musician Michael John Blake recently posted a video in celebration of pi day (3/14, every year…). He has taken the number pi, and assigned numerical values to the white keys, starting with Middle C. He also used a tempo which is roughly half of pi, and did some chording…

Read More…

Found this on cSlacker.com today, made me laugh. I though you all might enjoy it. If anyone out there knows who created this, let us know.

1. Joan Rivers after a particularly harsh peel

2. Kevin Bacon, if he was slowly coming back from Hell after solving the Hellraiser cube

Lots of other sites will preview those OTHER movies. You know, they’ll show on set pictures of Captain America. Not holding a shield. Not even in the costume. And it’s blurry as all hell. Or they’ll show you a car on the set of Thor. Well, not the Correctness. No sir. The Correctness are a bunch of zeitgeist loving motherfuckers who know EXACTLY what our loyal audience wants. We are out searching for the REAL scoop.

Or should I say…MY Top 25 Comedies of all time. Comedy is after all, the most subjective of arts. I often find myself laughing hysterically at things that others simply stare blankly at. To each their own. You may not enjoy the sorts of comedies I enjoy.

But for the record, I’m right and you aren’t. We are called the Correctness for a reason.

I am a gigantic Radiohead fan. If Thom Yorke pooped in a bucket, I would still throw it on the ol’ turntable to hear his experimental smell-sounds. That said, I am a pop musician, and I have all the respect in the world for artists who make me smile and sing along. So, here we go,  a track by track review of the new Radiohead album, which I spent assloads of money on, and will be delivered to me on vinyl in, like, 90 years. I’m listening to the WAV files, so I know for sure I’m hearing every detail intended by the boys. You can play the album at home and read my thoughts track by track if you like.

Who could get tired of Valentine’s day? A “holiday” that you don’t get off work, that is so insidiously well crafted that  to criticize it in the smallest degree is to broadcast your unfitness for pair bonding? Yes, even hipsters hold their tongues, lest they be considered too bitter to remove their ray bans, push aside their ironic PBR empties, and drop their skinny jeans to make painfully sincere love without even stopping to talk about how ironic the whole thing is! Three to seven minutes without rolling their eyes- unless it’s back in their heads…

I’ve decided to gave you guys hourly, and perhaps even more frequent, peek into my ultra romantic sexy life.  You will literally poop cinnamon hearts from the sincere joy I will provide you. I will document my unfathomably saucy Valentine’s day starting now, and close up this shit-window into my shit-apartment life  tomorrow night at midnight. It’s shitacular! It will literally be funner than death, and all that such a grammatical abortion implies. From 5:00 today until midnight tomorrow night, buckle up for the most romantic thing you have ever heard, ever.

Recently, as our regulars know, we went to universities all over North America and asked for essays to be entered into a new contest just for surly teen freshmen. Almost no entries were posted, save only this highly offensive submission from “Billy, Age 18”. We weren’t going to share it, but then…
Please be warned, this inexplicable rant contains NSFW language.

Well kids, it’s time to cast the big one…Diana, the Amazon who in our Smackdown series somewhat controversially handed Captain America his ass on a shield, as it were. Her powers, like Superman’s, vary wildly depending on who you talk to but there is no doubt about her iconic status and her ability to not only hang with, but occasionally even beat the Big Boys.

The Correctness Casting Couch (finally)presents: Wonder Woman.

Dear Mission Impossible III:

I was going to ask why it was in that scene in the Vatican the one guy shoots a tracking device out of his camera. I was going to ask why he didn’t just toss it into the central square, or drop it off, and then something occurred to me:

The Correctness on Sports:

Contrary to popular belief, we here at The Correctness are huge sports fans. Because of our unerring expertise, we are frequently bombarded with sports related questions. How does one pole vault one’s shotput? Is Hachidan Kiritsu illegal in Anbo Jitsu, just as Will Riker claims it is? What are the consequences of a ground rule double in quidditch?

The above photo is of myself and my new son, Daniel Harrison Binns. On the whole, fatherhood suits me. He shares many of my facial features, yet somehow he manages to make them work for him on a level that I have yet to master. What I have found in my limited time in Daddy’s chair is that the miracle of birth is not actually in birth itself. Rather it lies in the fact that this small creature does everything in its power to make you hate it, screaming, defecating, depriving you of sleep and yet it has the complete opposite effect.

By the time Scroaty had reached his forties, he had settled into a grim routine. Having finally abandoned a tedious and wholly unsuccessful search for self-redefinition, the kind of search that a person can only attempt in his thirties if he has no family or greater sense of purpose, he had become a woodcutter.

Dear Musicians:

Please stop pretending to understand economics, real jobs, or what a cubicle is like.

Allow me to explain: I’m a musician too. I completely understand where you are coming from. Your socialist views, your bohemian Taoist life choices, your vegan diets. Being an artist full time requires a weird dedication to your craft that sets you apart from other musical hobbyists. Sometimes you have an idea at 3:00 in the morning, and you simply must wake up and record it. Sometimes you practice a new chord you “invented” until your fingers bleed, just because you don’t have callouses in those exact fingering positions. Sometimes you are forced to turn down a teenaged groupie because your only groupies are teenaged, and you realize they are only into you because you rent a bachelor apartment and own a leather jacket that you claim to wear ironically due to your veganism. Then you write a song for the teenaged groupie anyway, which you perform to her on your would-be-ironic second hand chesterfield which you retrieved in your buddy’s truck from Value Village, or possibly the Salvation Army Goodwill store. You work at night, and you can’t get up early because of it. Can’t even make it out to busk at lunch, can you?

So, at the beginning of the Superteam Smackdown (which you can find up at the top under the Smackdown tag), we declared a comment insult contest. The deal was that whomever insulted us the best would receive a Correctness T-Shirt. Now, you, the reading public, would have no way to know the following

1) It was Tbinns and RobbieRobTown that decided to give away a Correctness t-shirt as the prize.
2) The only person who has ever made Correctness t-shirts is katewares (mrs admin_rock).
3) Tbinns and RobbieRobTown, for all their comedic brilliance and wit, have the follow through of a 7 year old with ADHD in a room full of toys.

I arrived a Lord Vader’s Beverly Hills mansion. LIke most of the homes in the area, Vaderland was a product of years of renovations, and the most recent changes were still in progress.“I’m sorry about the state of the place,” he said as he strode out to meet me from the grand entryway. “I’m using the same contractors as we used on the Death Star, and they tend to run behind schedule.”

Hey there. In addition to not destroying The Correctness website too often, I also moonlight as a Lego freak… Thought you guys might like to see some of my stuff from 2010. I go by Brickwares at my other website (www.brickwares.com).

So, when people say they can’t find the right gift for someone, it usually means either they can’t be arsed to put in the effort, or they’re just not thinking. Cuz there’s always something…

Case in point, RobbieRobTown. My wife (katewares) is really, really good at this game. Whenever Xmas rolls around, she always seems to have a brilliant idea for what we can give Uncle Robtown (as he’s known in our home.)

Weight loss is all the rage, both here on the net and in real life too! With all the processed, sugar rich foods in the world, and the abundance of fast food, it’s no surprise.

A new book by Tim Ferriss, “The Four Hour Body”, claims to show you how to shed all that unwanted fat by doing things like eating after you wake up, putting icepacks on your neck, and taking cold showers. It also will show you how to prevent fat gain while bingeing, how to increase fat-loss 300% with a few bags of ice and how Tim gained 34 pounds of muscle in 28 days, without steroids, and in four hours of total gym time.

Now you can unlock the secrets of the Correctness Weight Loss program!

I was recently given a belated birthday gift by a couple of my gaming buddies, Dave and his lovely horse obsessed bride Erin. It was a cup, with a little grey cartoon rat on it that said “People are idiots and I hate everyone.” An ideal gift for me, as that is, by and large my philosophy in life. Also included in the gift bag was a treasury of “Pearls Before Swine.” strips called “The Crass Menagerie”, which is where this little cartoon Rat came from. “If you aren’t familiar with it or aren’t a fan, you soon will be” Dave assured me.

So, like a bad issue of “What If” (and really, most issues were bad), we tried to imagine a world where the Team Smackdown was won by someone other than the X-Men. We left it to you, The Correct, to decide. And you spoke, clearly, loudly, and with no regard for conformity!

You chose… RobbieRobTown. I’ll leave it to him to come up with the narrative of how he beat the X-Men, but I suspect it has something to do with Marmalade, and Kitty Pryde. Or possibly Kitty Pryde in Marmalade, with no one else around. Either way, I’m reserving an early copy.

See more results …

Oh Snorg Tee Girls!

Your enthusiasm for casual wear is matched only by your “gee whiz girl next door aww shucks” cuteness.

Some of our regular readers know that I am a student teacher, and as such I am surrounded by children who have no idea how offensive or hilarious they are. An example:

Kid: I like your toque, Mr. M! Where did you get it?

Me: Thanks, my mom gave it to me.

Kid: What? I thought your mom was dead!

Me: Not to the best of my knowledge.

A Correctness State of the Union

First, a bit of history.

About a year and a half ago, after some social function or another (I believe it may well have been an evening of Settlers of Catan) just as the man/boy who would become known as Robbie Robtown was heading out my front door, I said to him…

“Hey, we should start an online humor magazine.”

The Correctness is sad to inform you that comedy great Leslie Nielsen passed away last night. He was 28 years old.

Nielsen was born and raised in Canada, though this didn’t seem to adversely affect his career. His father worked for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and thus, Nielsen spent a lot of time moving around, town to town, up and down the dial. And while you and he were never meant to be, baby, think of him once in a while.

Read more…

A friend of mine recently suggested that in order to get my long departed groove back, I should try writing erotic fiction. I tried, kind of, then gave up, but this got me thinking: What the hell kind of thing is arousing anyway? What qualifies as a fantasy? The results of my bold new genre of erotic fantasies are below. Spoiler: Some of these stories are so arousing, there isn’t any sex in them at all.

1.

He paused the DVD, and rose from the couch.
“Are you getting up to make a sandwich?” she asked, coyly.
“Yes, I am,” he replied.
“Then let me be direct. Instead of eating a portion of your sandwich when you bring it over here, leaving us both unsatisfied, I would like for you to prepare two separate sandwiches, and I will eat one of them,” she said.
Tears of joy trickled down his face, and when he returned, he brought two more sodas as well.

It’s fun, it’s easy! Annoy your friends, amaze your enemies!

It’s the Correctness Movie Pitch Mash up Game!

Dear K1LLR478:

I’m writing you to express my distaste for how you handled our encounter in Call of Duty 4 this past Tuesday evening. Yes, I admit that you managed to sneak behind me and kill me with a single shot. However, I think it was both inappropriate and disrespectful to grind your avatar’s crotch on my corpse’s face, while calling me a name.

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So, I’m watching the original Lon Chaney jr. “Wolf Man” last night and couldn’t help but notice a few things that I would like to share with you, in the spirit of Halloween and all.

Meme this, suckers! It’s Batman vs. Bacon!

Batman! Scourge of Gotham’s criminals! Batman! Brilliant single-minded vigilante! Batman! Nananananananana, etc! Nothing is more powerful than The Dark Knight! Except for Bacon, you mouth-breathing primitives. BACON!

Time for some Superteam Smackdown, live from the The Correctness’s new Herodome, located in sunny downtown Newville. The tailgates are up, the beer is cold, the snacks are carby, it’s time for some smackdown! We have 8 classic superhero teams fighting it out to see who can claim the title.

This week, we have Marvel’s “The Defenders”, a team of non-teamers, taking on DC’s non-continuity darlings “The Watchmen, who somehow got on the roster when no one was watching them.

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It’s time people.

Here are the brackets for the Superteam Smackdown:

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(ED: Today’s article is brought to you by guest writer Victoria Banner – no relation.)

Legend of Zelda: The Movie.

So somewhere at one point in time someone said to me “A Legend of Zelda Movie would be awesome” I disagreed with this fact but was too busy not being sober to bring up why I whole heartedly disagreed with this fact.

Well I forgot who brought up the concept, but I remembered why a legend of Zelda movie would be Terrible.

Hello Fair Readers.

You know, my old name (which is not RobbieRobTown in real life, but actually Rob) is getting kind of boring. So, I thought I’d get myself a new name! I’d like a name that makes me seem super cool, like an actor, or a space dinosaur. I know what you are going to say. You are going to say “Hey, RobbieRobTown, you are an actor, and there is no such thing as space dinosaurs.”. You are wrong. I am an improvisor. Here is a list of suggestions, and some of the rationale for them.

I debuted my latest piece at Seattle’s BrickCon this weekend: “War of the Worlds” (More on the mosaic in another article to come). For the second year in a row, I was awarded the “Best Mosaic” trophy, and even received some votes for “Best in Show”. Seattle and admin_rock seem to get along very well!

More pics within…

Before we give you the definitition of the word Astyxiate, please watch the following video to completion.

a short sketch about domesticity and time travel by Dawn Dumont

To Doctor Josef Nefario, head of Applied Interglobal Industries, Sept 12, 2008:

Dr Nefario, I’m writing you to inform you that payment is past due for our recent renovations to your Los Angeles office. We had agreed on strict terms, due to the nature of the alterations, which our office strongly advised against. In addition, on our post install visit, our quality control assistant Barry noted that you had failed to apply for the appropriate relaxations and permits, as you had stated you would. Normally, our office would handle these matters, but you were very insistent on this matter.

Dear Non-White-Male correctness reader:

You know, we were having a conversation the other day at The Correctness. A grown up, political conversation about how infuriatingly hard it is to insult white males, because, as the entitled culture of authority and power, nothing really hurts our feelings that much. You can call me a cracker, or greymeat, or gringo, or whatever, but it just doesn’t sting like our bleachy-white and bleachy-caustic lexicon of slurs we have for you folks. At the end of the day, we still have all that annoying capital, and equity, and those reassuring smug savings plans, and reusable grocery bags made of organic cotton that required ten times as much water to grow than pesticidey cotton. We’re a hard target!

So you are flicking around on a lazy Sunday, just seeing what’s on, kind of half watching three different shows when suddenly BLAM there it is. A movie that makes you put down the remote, despite the fact that it’s on cable two or three times a week, and you have seen it countless times.

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today’s Correctness Glossary term:

DEXTER : (DEXter) v. 1.) to harm, mutilate or kill someone who richly and deeply deserves it.

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today’s Correctness Glossary term:

Nicklebackery (Nikl-bak-ery) n..pl. 1.) the act of enabling or encouraging mediocrity .

Dear Supposed RobbieRobTown Fan club:

Some time ago, TBinns became convinced there was a vast, sexy conspiracy surrounding me. As a consequence of his delusion about my “fan club”, TBinns suggested we hold a contest to win a Dream Date with yours truly.

Here are some contest Fun Facts:

Total number of entries: 2.

Total qualifying entries based on rules: 0

Number of times Emma Stone, who I specifically invited to enter the contest, entered the contest: 0

TBinns is a dear friend, and certainly must not have intended to prove how immensely and universally disinteresting I am to women, gay men, and the complexly transgendered.

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I’m going to be a father soon and I am keenly aware of the many responsibilities that entails, including enriching the life of my son or daughter. Striving every day to make certain they have a better quality of life than I did, while at the same time being careful not to raise them with a sense of entitlement. That’s why “Pull My Finger” is simply not good enough for my child.

So, I was driving into my parking spot at my condo in my old car, a shabby Cavalier dubbed by my friend Marc to be “Lady Cavalieria”. Its real name was “American Shitbox Moneypit of Shit”. My used Honda Accord would be embarrassed of my old car.
My parking space has a concrete barrier wall, about 2 feet high on the North and East corners. It also has all the cigarette butts. It is perfect for sitting on, littering near, sitting on litter, etc.

Your prayers are needed for a young boy in great pain. Imagine being just 10 years old and being hydrocephalic, meaning his head is several times larger than it ought to be. It’s hard for him…every day is a struggle, even though he just wants to play baseball and live a normal life. But his […]

I’m sure many of you know the video which I am referring to, if not, take a moment and have a look at this.

Well, after a delightful lunch on a patio, The Correctness collectively decided we liked the sound of a Team Smackdown. We tossed some names out, but have yet to make any official brackets, so now is your chance to speak up.

Hey Folks, admin_rock here. It’s come to my attention that it’s been a long time since we armed you with any new ammo for causing nerds to fight and argue. And really, it’s so very pleasing to sit back and let them have at, guaranteed entertainment for the entire evening, IF YOU DO IT RIGHT. Any ham-fisted, slack jawed noob can throw out a “Heroes Sucks”; and to be fair, that wouldn’t start a fight, so much as a tacit agreement amongst everyone in the room.

So, here’s a few more to keep your nights lively! Keep in mind, you don’t actually have to agree with the statment. It’s effect will be that of throwing a big meaty bone into Michael Vick’s living room. (ed: Michael Vick is Football player. He was arrested for being involved in a dog fighting ring.) (ed: Football is a “Sport”.)

Don’t worry, we’ll walk you through these slowly.

Good news, Correctness readers! We have managed to find an excerpt for the script for part 3 of the Dark Betty Saga: Crisis in Infinite Riverdales, due for Christmas. We had a 45 minute argument in our office about who wrote this script- the names have been surreptitiously removed from the document. What do you guys think? Morrison? Miller? Moore? Dave thought Claremont, at this point, given the X-Men forever storyline, I tend to agree. Possible spoiler alert: It looks like this series will bring the Dark Betty story cycle to its conclusion.

To Whom it May Concern:

Listen, we know you’re looking at us. We get it. We’re on the big side, as far as breasts go. Along with Katy’s eyes, we represent most of the oversized stuff on her. And certainly, we’ve helped her get to where she is today. Our presence requires her to build up her lung capacity, and makes it easy for her to get meetings with agents and record producers.

It’s that time again, when the Correctness corrects a casting mistake on a comic book heroine because a) we like comic books, and b) we like pretty actresses. We are funny that way. This week we take a look at the assassin who stole, and very nearly stabbed Daredevil’s heart, Elektra.

…The internet is no place for advertising. It is an immense public forum that runs on goodwill and charitable government servers, and rainbow kisses. I would be immensely, immensely disturbed if anyone were to mention that RobbieRobTown has a musical going up at the Edmonton Fringe Festival. Why would you bother to tell me that he has written all the music, or that he is starring in the show? That sort of corporate pandering is deplorable, gentlemen. We have all had enough quirky puppet musicals with banjos. The Muppets got there first, and Jim Henson controls the copyright to all things fabric with banjos…

Before we begin, I would once again like to stress and clarify that these are my FAVOURITE performances. The “Best” performances would be a different kind of debate, and would, if the AFI is to be believed, need to involve a lengthy discussion of “Some Like it Hot” a movie that I appear to be completely alone in not giving a shit about.

A few weeks back, we asked you, minions denizens people at work with seriously nothing better to do oh faithful readers, to chime in and let us know which articles were your favorites. You remember: It was this article.

Well, to our continued amazement, you responded. Here then, are your top three favorite Correctness Articles from Year One. (Capitalized to be all Frank Miller cool.)

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“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi.”

Arnold counted again, carefully, one every second.

Effective nowish, comments will not be posted if they’re filled with hate, trolling, or just plain stupid. We’re ALL for creative and funny vulgarity, and clever arguments. You can call RobbieRobTown anything your heart desires, as long as you do it above a grade 9 level. So, something like this “Because the flash cant see […]

Well, now I can cross “See a Beatle live” off of the old life list.

Dear Correctness Readers:

A lot of people ask us how we here at The Correctness can generate so much fresh content, ensuring that so much of our written effort is largely ignored by the people we hope read our articles, like Henry Kissinger or Emma Stone. “How can you generate so much fresh, funny content?” those people ask us, redundantly, “That could be enjoyed by Henry Kissinger for example, or Emma Stone, perhaps?” they continue, reiteratively.

Well, the secret to our success, apart from my stunning good looks, is filler.

The Correctness Guide to Body Disposal:

So, you’ve murdered someone! You’ve had one of those arguments with, for the sake of this article, a smallish pig. Perhaps your pig was treacherous, manipulative or downright cruel. Maybe your pig was abusive. Maybe you and your pig couldn’t sort out who the real father of your piglets was. Maybe your pig was a national security threat, and even if it wasn’t, you’d best start telling yourself that. In any case, things got a little heated, words were spoken, it all got out of hand, and now you have about 160 pounds of pork to dispose of, and right quickly at that. Maybe your pig weighed a bit more or less, but he or she had it coming.

June 9, 1987:
It was a hot night in the Big Easy, and the audience was rigid with anticipation- For good reason. Tonight, for the first time ever, Cockshark had shared the stage with Brothersucker. For one night only, two of the biggest, hardest acts in Metal would come together, simultaneously, in front of a crowd of thousands.

Brothersucker hit the stage first, surprising the audience with their size. Yes, their members had swollen as Brothersucker now had founding member and keyboardist Rock Dalton playing with them again. Minutes before the show, Brothersucker had taken him in the back to celebrate Rock’s hard homecoming.

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At 22 years old, Emily was hardly the youngest housewife in West Cloverdale. Indeed, she like so many other attractive young women had carefully played by the rules, attracted themselves a husband, and been swept away to the suburbs.

Though not the youngest, Emily had one thing going for her- one thing, set aside a prizewinning pair of legs from a darker period of her life when she danced naked for beatniks. The “Miss Rack 1958” contest had been a battle hard won for her- No, what Emily had going for her was that she was smart as a whip.

The first thing I’d like to make clear is that this is a list of personal favourites. It is not a “Greatest” list. There are several comedians who are by all accounts GREATER in a broader context. I call it the “Citizen Kane” effect.

Hai Correctness Readers!
LOLsies! Some of you guys sure seem to be in a real pickle about my emotional state! Golly wonkers, it sure is nice that you are all so concerned about my lovemeter readings, but I’m as pleased as a fry in a fish hatchery these days, I assure you!
Just in case, I’ve collected a whole bunch of adorable images, and I’ve written some wholesome commentary for each one! Nothing political here, just good old fashioned warm feelings in your tummies.

A basket of puppies! If they were a basket of apples, I’d pick them for a pie- OF KISSES! Delightful.

My nephew, Brendon is soon to become a father. He just bought his first house, and is thinking of applying his trade to his own business. When faced with the huge responsibilities of adulthood, one tends to turn thoughtful…introspective even. And then, you start asking the big questions. questions like…

Hey Uncle Tony Ummm…. Had a question which I am sure nerds have debated for for at least 25 years. Who would win in a battle Han Solo or Captain Kirk? I wanted to ask the vast knowledge of the Correctness but I dunno if there is a question section. Now if in question the Spock Kirk duel music is playing, no crowd, just a rancor to kill the loser.

You have been asking, you have been waiting, you are a fictional construct I am using to build tension. Finally, what “you” wanted is here: Another correctness.com Awesome Undercard event to tide you over until the next full on smackdown series.

In this match-up, it’s every bear for himself- Or, every bear for himself and his or her family, cousins, distant relations, or loosely knit community! And if that wasn’t enough, they are facing off against me, and my unfathomable ennui! That’s right, it’s Care Bears vs. Gummi Bears vs. Berenstain bears, vs. My Increasing Disillusionment.

Dear Emma:

By way of introduction, my name is RobbieRobTown. Okay, actually, my screen name is RobbieRobTown, but my actual name is Handsome McSwashbuckley, or possibly Spacey McDinosaur. You can request my real name at your convenience, I’m just not posting it here, that would just be stupid- I’m a student teacher for God’s sake, so I really don’t want my adorable grade 1 kids next semester looking up my last name on the intertubes and seeing the kinds of things that either A) I say in the name of satire, or B) people say about me in the name of internet anonymity.

This article is for the statistic hounds amongst you, as well as those of you gambling about the site (?!).

POSTS: 306

COMMENTS: 1549

Most Posts: TBINNS 129

Pageviews: 651,179

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It’s as much of a surprise to you as it is to us, but The Correctness is 1 year old this week. From its inauspicious beginnings as as a widely ignored blog on the internet to it’s current status as a widely ignored blog on the internet, The Correctness has weathered a number of seasons. Four.

We can barely remember what we had for breakfast, (though sometimes there are shirt clues to help us), so we looked back through the archives, and came up with a list of our favorite articles. We present these to you as a poll, and ask you, oh dear readers, to help us decide the “Favorite stories of the year: 2010”. If you have other favorites we haven’t added to the poll, leave a comment, and we’ll add them in. You can vote for up to 3 stories.

Dear Municipal Government:

Thank you for the letter you sent me from the Subdivision and Development Appeal Board. I received your letter regarding a meeting on April 16th. I see the letter is dated April 1st, and you will be glad to know I received it on June 17th.

In any case, despite having missed the meeting which you have scheduled for 2 months ago, I thought that it would be advisable to share my opinion. I will forward this letter to you in 2 months, in deference to the time that your process seems to take. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you. I like your folksy style.

A true tale of love and sausage…

Dear Correctness Readers:

We get it, you don’t always have time for the full impact of our 3000 word rambles, especially when it’s just a poop joke. Consequently, I have been publishing microfiction via twitter. Here are eleven of them, in no particular order:

1. Predicated entirely on her familiarity with Jane Austen, Eloise married the first male homeowner who stumbled into her punji stick pit.

2. Loneliness consumed him as he looked across the barren, nuclear wasteland and realized he was, almost certainly, the last ventriloquist.

Thanks to my near toxic levels of geekiness I’ve won a fair amount of Star Wars shit over the years.

Well I have watched my very last Last Comic Standing. Ever.

Last night was the absolute final straw.

This week we explored a different (though in many ways familiar) tack. The poll question pitted Han Solo vs Indiana Jones, in a fistfight.

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Dear Correctness Readers: Here is a quote from our Provincial Culture Minister Lindsay Blackett who is attending the internationally important Banff Television Festival. “I sit here as a government representative for film and television in the province of Alberta, and I look at what we produce, and if we’re honest with ourselves … I look […]

We interrupt the Correctness for a special announcement. I, Tbinns, one of your fearless Correctians is going to be a father.

Let the buying of ridiculous Star Wars themed baby shit begin!

We now return to your regularily scheuled rant, already in progress.

The Correctness is a website that’s only about comedy, you think. But, remember, you also thought that Stonewash denim was a good idea, and that Uggs were awesome. You were wrong. The Correctness plays many important roles in your life. One of them is to provide replacements for disappointing films. Today, we tackle the mess that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

List of Demands: Microsoft Office Word 2007 for PC

Dear Microsoft Office Team:

I have used your product for Mac extensively, and it works fine. However, your product for the PC world, which as I understand it, is 95% of your market share, is a deplorable prison rape of a program. It is worse than a searing hot knife up the urethra. Microsoft Office Word 2007 for PC is worse than having a tiger swipe out your eyes, and then piss in your eye sockets, marking your skull as territory with its feline reek. It is worse than eating a bowl of tapioca pudding, only to discover both that it was actually a bowl of silverfish, and that you are made of wool. Your product is worse than being bound naked with duct tape to a steel folding chair, and being forced to pay an exorbitant mandatory admission fee to watch a live gang bang of Glenn Beck, who then, mid blow, starts delivering an angry TED talk about his feelings on something about which he is ill informed, like particle physics, US politics, or reality. It is worse than the Batman and Robin film. I do not enjoy your product.

No further pleasantries. This is a list of demands:

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of superheros, and comic books. Also, love going to movies. But I’ve come to a conclusion, one that might seem incredulous or shocking on the surface: Hollywood needs to stop making superhero movies.

(Scapulaman, possibly the next big superhero film?)

Maybe not entirely, but 94% of the projects in development should just be scrapped. No Avenger, No Iron Man 3, No Thor, No Spider-Man 4. No prequels, no origin stories, nothing. We’ll let the 3rd Dark Knight movie go ahead, but after that, let’s ban them from Hollywood for another 5 years or so.

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“I wonder if Bono and U2 are going on tour this summer”, thought Jeff Jenkins, while checking out his new iPad. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and was trying to find ways to help fall asleep. So far, he’d been forced to scroll through a number of articles about naturally increasing the size of your penis, to his chagrin.

“Enough of this”, he declared. “I don’t give a damn whether or not Paris Hilton is hanging out with Justin Bieber, or whether the rumors about Conan O’Brien getting a new show are true or not. I’m going out for a nice, relaxing run, followed by some hot yoga.”

A Saturday filled with chips, cola and Hi-def Gore.

The idea came to me after seeing the Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie Double Bill. It had occurred to me during that campy fun slightly gross show that since my wife HATES horror movies it had been ages since I had seen one.

Not every time, not even most times, but today, it was I who farted in the elevator.
I took it down to the lobby, I waited, I farted, I got out, and I laughed as you all rode up to the tenth floor in my lingering stenchcloud of bowelhate. All seven of you, in my deep sea of reek.

Haiku Cycle Requiem for the Indicator Light

The dusty stick on
the left of your steering wheel
is your signal light.

You won’t shoulder check
So signaling is the least,
THE LEAST, you can do.

Click. How hard is that?
Click. There, I did it again.
Click. See how easy?

Recently due to a scheduling snafu, I missed out on an opportunity to give a public reading of the most hateful literature I could find. First, I recommend if you are in the Vancouver area you check out the “Say Wha?” show on June 8th, but in the meantime, I have located the motherload: The immensely compelling world of celebrity tweets, and specifically the genre-defining work of Justin Bieber.

It is May 25th, the 33rd anniversary of the release of Star Wars, and in celebration of this momentous occasion…we are posting links to stuff we’ve already written.

June 15 is “I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK!” day.

ON JuNe 15th everybOdy on the FUcking planet is going to change their facebook status to say “I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK!”. because I goddamn said so.

Our poll has closed, and we have discovered much about our poll-taking readers…

Take part in this week’s poll, over on the right there…

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Recently, RobbieRobTown made a grant application to the Canadian Government for new works featuring “Stories of our Heritage”. Rob felt that he should be able to include elements of his favourite themes in a historical context. He was incorrect in that regard. The grant application was rejected summarily.

A Prairie Tale

Cornelia Perseverance Downing threw the door of the outhouse wide, and looked out across a wild and ceaseless prairie. The young barley was just now high enough to be tousled by the same late spring winds which tugged at Cornelia’s skirts. She hastened to readjust her Victorian garb. Green and naked, the barley wore no skirts, and would have laughed at Cornelia’s fussing, had it the voice to do so. “Ha!”, the barley would have said. “Haha to your manifold skirts!”

A somewhat more ordinary correspondence…

SWM seeks SF from space. Superheroes and Ninjas also welcome, or anyone who moves like a dancer in a slow motion hail of bullets/lasers. Ideally you are human, but if you are an alien in human form and would be willing to slum it with an earthling that would be good too. Aliens particularly welcome if you were planning an invasion of earth, but fall in love with me because “you never thought you could feel this way before” and prevent the invasion force from destroying my backwater meaningless planet. Perhaps you were confused and aroused by the sensations provided to you by your new carbon based form? Other aliens welcome: Slave women from planets with nebulous/gaseous thought-entity overlords- I will be more than happy to tell you the answer to the eternal question “what is this thing called love?”. Most non-humans from Original Series Star Trek welcome, but aliens from the rest of the Star Trek franchise are almost unanimously ugly.

Our Iron Man 2 comes to a close, and the Readers have spoken! Err … clicked!

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Danica McKellar took a slightly different tack to being a child star. As opposed to developing a drug habit,becoming Marilyn Manson (Not true, by the way) or knocking off a 7-11, when her stint as Winnie Cooper was done, she went to school and has since become a highly respected award winning math scholar. She is the author of a number of books and actually has a theorem named after her and her two co-authors.