The Groundhog Conspiracy
(Note: This is a repost of the original)
by Correctness Guest Correspondent Trevor Campbell
For generations now Man has looked to the seemingly cute & innocent Groundhog to forecast the coming Spring for us, but we have never asked ourselves, at what cost? Have we sold our souls to these little burrowing devils? We all know the tradition, every year on February 2nd citizens of cities, towns & villages alike gather around the hole that leads to the home of their friendly loveable little weather predicting Groundhog. The lazy little dirt-Sloth then waddles out and if he does not see his shadow we can look forward to an early Spring. However, if he does sees his shadow we are doomed to six more weeks of Winter. What powers of prognostication his little earth-Weasel has. And what power over our springtime hopes and dreams we have given them.
Dear Academy Of Motion Picture Blah Blah Blah
(Note: This is a repost of the original).
cough cough BESTSUPPORTINGACTOR cough cough.
Oh, excuse me I’m sorry. Something stuck in my craw, I think…oh..wait
cough coughBESTSCREENPLAYcough cough cough
There, that’s better.
Dear Disposable Razor Companies
(Note: This is a repost of the original.)
Oh hey guys.
I was just thinking, you know what would be sweet?
How about instead of 5 blades that dull as soon as I glance at them, you concentrate on providing me 1 blade that is sharp? Or, how about instead of a lubricating strip, you provide me one blade that stays sharp? Or how about instead of a special vibrating handle, you manufacture a single blade that stays sharp?
Top Ten Twilight Zone Twists
(Note: This is a repost of the original.)
10. The Mysterious prisoner is actually the Devil
9. The real monsters…? MANKIND
Dear Waitress at the Chinese Buffet
(Note: This is a repost of the original)
While I applaud your eagerness, it’s okay for my water glass to have more than two sips missing before refilling it.
Also: The fortune cookies should return to telling “fortunes”. Telling me things about myself does NOT count.
You’re a Grown Man Charlie Brown
(Note: This is a repost of the original)
I was very pleased to participate in the annual 10 minute Play festival again this weekend with my cohorts from Obscene But Not Heard (We’re a sketch group). In it, we are given a prop, a line of dialogue and from that, we create a 10 minute play, which needs to be written rehearsed, and teched for 7:30 the following evening.
It’s always a bit of a crunch, but it’s also lots of fun. We have produced gems, and some rather painful entries in the past. This year, our line was a Dr. Suess quote “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” and our prop was a clock.
This is what I ended up writing. Seeing as how it will likely never be produced again (for copyright reasons if nothing else) I thought I’d post it.
Enjoy.