The Correctness Book Club: Pride and Prejudice
The Correctness Book Club
This Week: Pride and Prejudice, as reviewed by Dave, Rob, and Tony.
R: Hi everyone, this week we’ve been reading Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. I am told that this is one of the great Regency period Romances.
T: I’m a big fan of the Regency.
D: I stayed at the Regency in New York once. It was really nice- a bit dialogue heavy, but nice.
R: Let’s begin with the important parts. I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, but I’d like to take a moment to judge this book by its cover.
T: Good use of our time, I’d like to focus on the cover if we could, perhaps extensively.
D: Exhaustively.
R: Indeed. My copy features a woman in a regency period dress, or what I recognize to be a period dress because she looks a bit like illustrations of Laura Secord, or one of those ivory carved necklace things with the lady on ‘em.
D: Is Laura Secord an early nineteenth century character? Do our American friends know her more for her loyalist bent, and less for her delicious chocolates?
R: We’ll google that later, as this is a real time conversation that’s real.
D: Indeed.
T: I’d like to interject here, I always assume that the 19th century means the 1900’s on first hearing it, but of course, we are talking about the early 1800’s here, which is the dawn of the 19th century. It always makes me second guess the time period.
R: Thanks, Tony. In any case, judging this book by its cover, one would think there was going to be quite a few women posing in dresses for portraiture in this book. I was mistaken in this regard, and so a cover which conveys the main plot element somehow, like, um, a topless lady-wrestling ring might be more apt.
D: I’d just like to get back to Laura Secord for a minute, I haven’t seen one of those stores for a while, and they were a real staple of the malls…
T: My copy has Keira Knightley on it.
D: My copy is different…
R: The Keira Knightley cover is the superior copy to be sure, but we don’t need to dedicate a lot of time to Keira Knightley and how totally hot she is, this is about Pride and Prejudice, the taut, yet cynical Regency Romance. In any case, our story begins with the Bennet sisters all scrambling to find husbands so that they don’t lose their house. May I just say, and we three are all homeowners, as an encumbrance to my land title, I did receive the appliances, but not any of the daughters of the previous owners.
T: Nor did I. My wife would have never allowed it.
D: My cover has Mr. Darcy with his shirt off, you guys.
R: Yes, Dave, We’ve left that topic for the moment. In any case, to the rescue of the ladies comes the wealthy Mr. Bingley, who develops an affection for Jane, the eldest daughter of the Bennets. Meanwhile, Bingley has brought along his sisters and Mr. Darcy on his first visit.
D: Who brings their sisters on a first date?
T: Maybe he’s a group dater.
R: It was a different time, a trip to the country was a bigger deal then.
D: Do you know that? Because I think it’s rude. I think it’s a plot device to get Elizabeth to meet, and be rejected by Mr. Darcy.
R: Dave, historically speaking, a trip to a country manor would have been a matter of some difficulty, and importance.
T: But you don’t know that for sure.
D: Yeah, do you?
R: No, I- You’re right no, I’m just suggesting that it wouldn’t, in the context of the time period, have been so weird to bring along your sisters and your poker buddy on an extended date to the country. In any case, when Elizabeth is rebuffed by Mr. Darcy at a local dance-
T: Rebuffed?
D: I actually want to talk about the buff thing, my copy has-
R: Rebuked?
T: Rejected would be simpler.
R: When Elizabeth Bennet is haughtily rejected by Mr. Darcy-
T: Haughtily?
D: Hottily? Because my Copy, you guys…
T: Haughtily is exactly how it is described on Wikipedia.
R: Well, that’s a coincidence, isn’t it. In any case-
T: Have you even read all of this?
R: Basically, yes, well, the first several chapters, yes.
T: Because when we get to the part about how Keira Knightley begins to feel more strongly for Mr. Darcy-
R: Keira Knightley? You haven’t read it either!
D: My copy is different…
T: I have too read it. I just mixed them up because I saw the movie.
R: You are lying. You watched the movie.
T: Well, you very clearly read the synopsis on Wikipedia.
R: A SYNOPSIS, I MIGHT ADD, WHICH IN ITSELF WAS ALMOST TOO BORING TO GET THROUGH!
T: This totally defeats the purpose of having The Correctness Book Club, Rob.
R: YOU DIDN’T READ IT, YOU JUST WATCHED THE DVD!
D: Can we just talk about that scene between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley? Or for that matter, the scene between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham? There was an awful lot of man-on-man action in the novel, and it seemed out of place to me.
R: Well, I – what?
D: This is from Chapter 3: A Bird in the Hand or: One Night in Bangkok : “Mr. Wickham rested one hand on Mr. Darcy’s cheek, and slid his other hand into the front of his pants. Gently, he began to unbutton the the front flap of his fitted riding pants. ‘We’ll be safe here in the stable’ said Mr. Wickham, his rough hands feeling rougher on the stubble of Darcy’s cheek. He drew him close, the smell of his hair and the smell of the hay loft intoxicating him…”
R: What are you reading? (grabs book)
T: This is “Gay Pride and Prejudice”, Dave, where did you pick this up?
D: At the Rainbow Resource Center, on the coffee table in the library section.
T: Why didn’t you just go to a regular library?
D: Fines. Fines. Anyways, I thought is seemed a little sexy for Austen. I thought “man, there is more gay sex in this than Northanger Abbey” .
R: That was published posthumously, there is no defending it.
D: How do you know that?
R: Wait, why was your next choice the Rainbow Resource Center? What were you doing there?
D: They have a DVD collection.
R: Yes, I know they do, it’s fairly extensive.
T: How do you know they do, Rob?
R: Because my friend is the festival director for Fairytales film festival.
T: Oooooh! Does he love you?
R: She’s a she, and no.
T: She loves you.
R: Tony, SHE runs the FAIRYtales film festival, the gay and LESBIAN film festival.
T: She Looooooooves you.
R: Tony, No, she clearly- why am I explaining this?
D: Hey, Rob, you left your wallet at the Rainbow Resource Center anyways. Here it is.
R: THANK YOU VERY MUCH! LET’S MOVE ON!
T: Wow sensitive, much?
D: Yeah, that closet getting uncomfortable, Rob?
R: MY SEXUALITY IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION! FOCUS! PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!
T: I think we can all agree that one of the most exciting sequences is when Mr. Darcy finds himself in the jungle temple. He carefully attempts to remove the idol from the platform, and replaces its weight with a bag of sand. Too late, however, the trap is sprung and Mr. Darcy is being chased through the collapsing temple by blow darts and a giant boulder! “Throw me the rope!” says Mr Darcy. “Throw me the idol!” says Elizabeth Bennet, but you just know she won’t do it.
D: That is a great moment, yes, but let’s not ignore the moment where Elizabeth Bennet is piloting her X-wing on her final trench run in the Death star, closely pursued by an incorrigible Mr. Darcy – who, at this point in the novel is overwhelmed by the dark side- but she still manages to hit a target no bigger than two metres wide.
T: That’s a hard target.
D: You forget that Elizabeth used bull’s-eye womp rats in her T-16 back home. They’re not much bigger than two meters.
R: Fellas, I think we should-
T: Wait, 2 metres is actually a really big animal. Like, how big is a womp rat?
D: They are obviously a serious pest. I mean, to get that big.
T: But what are they eating on Tatooine? It’s so arid!
D: Jawas? Maybe they eat jawas.
T: Well, that’s plausible.
