My Financial Advisor is God
I saw a headline once on Yahoo.com that claimed more and more people were turning to the Bible for financial advice.
This is very odd to me. If you found a copy of the Wall Street Journal that was over 2000 years old, would you take the “Hot Stock Tips” or would you find them just a tad out of date?
It also brought up a few more points in my mind…I’m no financial wizard but please bear these in mind before you go rushing to The Book of Isiah for your investment portfolio.
1. If your broker’s advice to you is “Render unto Caesar what is his”, get a new broker.
2. I’m curious to know, what exactly the rate of return is on 30 pieces of silver?
3. Here’s a hot tip, there’s a lumberyard near old Noah’s place that looks to do very promising business this year.
4. If you’ve got your money in Sodom and Gomorrah…SELL!! SELL!
5. “Honor Thy Father and Mother” is not financial advice, just so you know.
6. If you’ve got money in Lazurus Industries Inc…hang on to your stocks, I think they may just come back from the dead.
7. Let him who hath understanding Reckon the Number of the Beast….for it is a human number the Number is six hundred and sixty six…percent interest
8. A little bird told me that Egypt is about to lose major amount of their workforce after an already sharp income downturn thanks to plagues, frogs, locusts, and river blood. Invest accordingly.
9. There’s a good chance of a Bull Market…provided someone doesn’t sacrifice it to God
10. Do unto others…with an interest rate of at least 12%
