The Surf-Stoppers
(3D model courtesy of Guy van der Walt www.plasticboy.co.uk)
So you are flicking around on a lazy Sunday, just seeing what’s on, kind of half watching three different shows when suddenly BLAM there it is. A movie that makes you put down the remote, despite the fact that it’s on cable two or three times a week, and you have seen it countless times.
Perhaps it’s just a throw back to the old days…when putting a movie on TV was kind of an event. Then came home video, and the higher cable channels and it just become less and less special. (That’s right, I’m old enough to remember BEFORE home video)
Now, the entire Star Wars Saga is on in marathon form every other holiday on Spike TV. But there are movies that still snag you, give you pause, make you smile, and make it increasingly difficult to turn the channel.
These are the SURF STOPPERS!!!
For Amber, my wife, that list includes Titanic, Dances with Wolves (I think she has a secret crush on Wind In His Hair) Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail and anything with Sandra Bullock in it.
Here are a few from my list:
THE GODFATHER
For some weird reason I almost always come into this when Michael is about to take care of the family’s little problem with the Turk and McCrosky the dirty cop. Once I’m there I absolutely can’t turn the channel until Michael drops the gun and walks out. If I have time, or I’m not getting heavy sighs and rolled eyes from the wife, I try and hang in at least until Vito hold his meeting and says “If something should happen to him, if he should be shot by the police…hanged in his jail cell…if he should be STRUCK BY LIGHTNING…then I’m gonna blame some of the people in this room…and that I do not forgive.”
I have a similar problem with Godfather part 2 now that I’m thinking about it. “I know it was you Fredo…You broke my heart!!!!”
It’s a shame they didn’t make a third one of those.
No, they didn’t.
THEY DID NOT LA LA LA LA NO THIRD MOVIE DOES NOT EXIST LA LA LA!!!!!
ALMOST FAMOUS
This is the last time we will feature Jimmy Fallon in a photo, we promise.
This movie makes me happy in innumerable ways. The soundtrack, the script, Philip Seymour Hoffman, the love letter to an era at it’s cultural peak, and from what I can tell, the only great performance in Kate Hudson’s career. Watch her face when William tells her she was just traded for 50 bucks and a case of beer. It goes through about 5 different levels of hurt, indignation, despair, and finally the urge to pull it back together with a joke. “What KIND of beer?” she asks with a sad smile and tears still streaming down her face. She DESERVED that Oscar nomination don’t doubt it for a second.
I used to identify with William the most, nerdy writer, obsessed with rock music, out of his element, dealing with a hopeless unrequited crush. Then it occurred to me that in reality,as I get older and crankier I’m Lester Bangs.
“Yeah well, you’ll meet em all again on their long journey toward the middle.”
The whole “Industry of Cool” speech explains EXACTLY how I feel about the current state of the music industry.
And Zooey Deschenel whispers “One Day…you’ll be cool” to me in my dreams.
LAWRENCE of ARABIA
"Do you think we'll get raped by Turks, Ali?" "What the Hell, Dude?"
This is what Dune should have looked like. The camera loves the desert every bit as much as T.E. Lawrence does, and when that music swells, and the camera pans across caramel colored ripples of sand…I mean man, I HATE the heat as only fat people can but this movie makes me ache to see the desert. Funny thing though, this only applies to anything before they take Akaba. I have no real desire to see T.E. Lawrence’s probably fictional rape fantasies being carried out. So yeah, it’s fast and loose with history but who cares? And what a cast! INTRODUCING Peter O Toole? Omar Shariff, Alec Guiness, Anthony Quinn, Jose Ferrer, Claude Rains? There were more knights in this movie than there was in Excalibur. Which reminds me…
EXCALIBUR
"Uhhh, no...I AM IRON MAN, BITCH!"
What a big, gorgeous awesome piece of goulda THAT movie is. If you don’t get chills when you hear the Carmina Burana and hear “Lancelot! Lancelot is with us!” as he emerges swinging in the mist…well I put it to you that you are not a man. So…you know…double check yer junk. This is a veritable buffet of Who’s Who with a healthy side of “Who’s that? You’ve got Patrick Stewart, Liam Neeson, Helen Mirren, and Gabriel Byrne, who manages to nail a hot chick while still wearing his armour, thus providing us with a vivid demonstration of Dark Ages safe sex. I love Nicol Williamson’s weird and goofy Merlin, with that great Shakespearean delivery of the charm of Making (Yes, I’ve memorized it. So what?) I love the guts, the gore, the pervasive sense of honor, and yes even the armor. This one stays on for as long as I can get away with. To this day whenever I see a spoon in mashed potatoes I mutter “He who draws the spoon from the Potatoes…he shall be king!”
ANY FIGHT IN ANY ROCKY MOVIE
Afterwards, they are going to go get a "Stew on"
If I know the fight is closing in…the channel stays right where it is until the battered and bruised Rocky staggers out and calls for his girlfriend/wife (Depending on which one you watch) I still like the fights in One and Three the best, but for some reason people have a real soft spot for Four. The appeal is completely lost on Amber. Mind you, I don’t know any girls who dig Rocky. I guess Rocky is like Rush…chicks just don’t get it
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Just LOOKING at this makes me smell popcorn retroactively.
If Star Wars is on, I’ll often flip over to it just to see where it’s at. For some reason I always seem to be coming in at the Death Star trench run when I’m flipping around. Which reminds me…Porkins? Really? There’s a fat guy and you call him Porkins? Seems a little cruel. It seems like he got teased a lot.
“Hey Porkins, we just built you a Double Large X-X-Wing to fly, but good luck getting it off the ground”
“We greased the Cockpit for ya, buddy, you’re ready to go”
“I think his Artoo unit is a deep fryer!”
“Awww Jesus, there’s Gravy on these controls…Poooorrrrkiiiiinnnssss!”
I digress.
Anyway, I flip Star Wars and Jedi on and off, catch favourite bits and move on. But when Empire comes on…it stays on. House rule.
INHERIT THE WIND
"Your Honor, I move to strike all references to Kirk Cameron and bananas from the record"
Before there was Intelligent Design, there was just flat out prosecution
The Scopes Monkey trial fascinates me…I suppose it’s my passionate feelings on the issue but I love this play, and I love the original movie even more. I just watched a bit of the made for TV remake with Jason Robards and Kirk Douglas from the 80’s. Oddly enough, I have no problem turning that one off at all. But Spencer Tracy and Frederick March snag me just about every time. Gene Kelly also does a great job as a snide big city journalist trapped in the backwoods covering the ultimate science versus religion showdown.
Also of interest, Harry Morgan, Colonel Potter from MASH is playing the judge. Jesus, how old IS that guy? We are approaching Abe Vigioda territory here.
So gang, what stops your remote? Let us know below!
