The Correctness Round Table: Die Hard, How many times DID the same thing happen to the same guy?
As we prep for the big non-super action movie hero Smackdown, there was some discussion about the line John McClane says in the screen classic Die Hard 2: Die Harder, “How can the same s*** happen to the same guy twice?” and if in fact the same thing continues to happen for the next two installments or if it was two of the one thing, then two somewhat different things.
This led to a free-form Round Table discussion of Die Hard.
Cub Reporter Keith
My opinion is that the “same s***” mentioned by officer McClane is being alone+no one believing him+terrorists which would mean same thing twice, slightly different thing two more times. Having taken this time to think critically about the series I began thinking of how awesome Die Hard was and how disappointing I found “Die Hard and the Crystal Skull” or whatever the fourth one was.
How do I go about critiquing one of my favorite film franchises? Die Hard has been in my top 5 favorite films of all time since first released decades ago. When renting films, my brothers and I would rent Die Hard at least once a month. It was the first film I owned on VHS and among the first on DVD then Blu-Ray.
The only solution to such emotionally charged analysis – math.
As is clear from the above graph, the declining quality of the Die Hard franchise is directly correlated to the amount of Reginald Veljohnson and Yippi-kay-yay motherf***ers included. Also, the most important factor can be shown to be the lack of Kevin Smith in the earlier films.
By this we can infer a) the law of diminishing returns, b) I quite like doing graphs, c) John McClane is better when he swears and d) Kevin Smith sucks.
Admin_Rock
Love me some Die Hard. I remember seeing the first film in the theatre, for two reasons: 1) The sound was cranked way the f*&^ up, and that was awesome and painful. 2) One of the girls with us spoke German, and translated everything the blonde dudes said.
Loved Die Hard, Liked Die Harder a lot, DHwaV was pretty damn good too, and (full disclaimer with shame) didn’t see LFoDH. In my head, it’s not reaaaaaaly a sequel. I stand to be corrected.
The original argument started with a discussion of how many times the same thing happened to the same guy. I contend that while there are 4 Die Hard films, really only the first two are similar. They both have the “right guy in the wrong place at the wrong time” motif. DHwaV also shows the adventures of John McClane, but it’s a different beast. It’s a buddy movie, and it takes us to a number of locations. I seem to remember something about one of the puzzles actually being incorrect, but I will have to rewatch before I can comment.
No matter how you slice it, McClane is a bad-ass, and will be tricky to beat in the impending Smackdown. He’s the full package: smart, fast, inventive, and lucky.
RobbieRobTown
What I remember most about the Die Hard franchise is the gruff demeanour of Bruce Willis set against the tough-but-vulnerable Cybill Shepherd. I tuned in every week to watch new episodes of Die Hard, and see the fruits of their careful detective work- not to mention the romance!
Perhaps it is a bit ironic that I say this, but my favourite Die Hard movie is probably the one where John McClane is an ex-space marine who lands in a whole heap of trouble just as an orange -haired Milla Jovovich lands in the back seat of his hovercab! There are some memorable explosions at the airport.
I thought the spin-off movie franchise where Bruce Willis moves to a new town as a hard-edged journalist named “Murphy Brown” was somewhat less inspired. I did, however , enjoy “Die Hard VII: Kate and Allie” immensely.
TBINNS
I’m gonna go with two and a half times. Once in Die Hard, Once in Die Harder, and although the third one was a scavenger hunt for bombs with Samuel L. Jackson, he was still dealing with terrorists who were actually sophisticated thieves in disguise. That counts as a half. I have no idea who was in Live Free or Die Hard, but it sure as hell wasn’t John McCLane. John McCLane swears. People bleed when John McCLane shoots them. John McCLane does not buddy around with the “I’m an Mac” guy and Kevin Smith trying to stop Seth Bullock from committing cyber crime. It’s a well known fact that it was actually a completely different script before McCLane was shoe horned in there to try and make it a Die Hard movie. It shows. You can’t just cram John McCLane into other movies willy nilly and expect it to be a Die Hard movie.
Or can you?
Die Hard of the Rings
Die Hard the Barbarian
The Die Hardover
Die Hard the Pooh
No. No you really can’t.
Intern Benji
I remember Die Hard. I saw it on TBS when I was hanging out with a girl…who later let me have sex with her. This started my keen interest in girls…especially the having sex with them part, which is a pursuit I have devoted my life to, instead of…oh, I don’t know…making charts about shitty generic action movies.
Thank Christ this summer is almost over. If it wasn’t for porn, you guys would have almost managed to put me off the internet entirely.
