A Review of The Conspirators with an imaginary Robert Redford
Admin_Rock here. One of our regular contributors, cub reporter Keith brings us an exclusive interview with a completely made up Robert Redford. Enjoy!
Me: I just saw your new film, The Conspirator, about the trial of the conspirators in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. I enjoyed it. Except for the …
Redford: IT WAS A METAPHOR!!!
M: Ya, I got that.
R: FOR THE PATRIOT ACT AND POST 9/11 ATTACKS ON THE CONSTITUTION
M: Yes, that was pretty clear.
R: I KEPT IT SUBTLE.
M: Not even a little. But moving on…
R: SO YOU UNDERSTOOD THE METAPHOR?
M: Yes.
R: IT WAS A CAREFULLY DESIGNED SUBTEXT.
M: I wouldn’t call it subtext, I think it was just text.
R: PEOPLE WILL RECOGNIZE THE METAPHOR LATER.
M: …um.. ya.. anyway, you chose to depict the government and President Johnson as pre-arranging the verdict of the trial.
R: JUST LIKE WITH THE TRIALS AFTER 9/11. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
M: No idea what you mean. But you left out that a few years later President Johnson pardoned 3 of them.
R: THE FIX WAS IN! THE PRESIDENT WAS IN ON IT!
M: So Dr Mudd’s name is mud again. Moving on, how did you prepare for making the movie?
R: I READ A LOT OF BOOKS ABOUT THE TRIAL.
M: I’m betting that’s not true.
R: AND I READ ONE CALLED “THE TRIAL OF THE CONSPIRATORS IN THE DEATH OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS JUST LIKE AFTER 9/11”
M: …and that one is just made up.
R: I WANTED TO MAKE ANOTHER COURT ROOM MOVIE BECAUSE I LOVED MAKING “THE VERDICT”
M: That was Paul Newman
R: REALLY?
M: A lot of people make that mistake.
R: TOWERING INFERNO?
M: Newman and Steve McQueen.
R: HOW ABOUT “BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID”?
M: You were both in that.
R: WHICH ONE WAS I?
M: No one ever cared. I don’t think as even important when you were watching the movie.
R: CAN I HAVE MY PUDDING?
M: Sure.
R: THE PUDDING IS ALSO A METAPHOR!!
M: No, it’s butterscotch. Thanks for your time.
R: THE CONSPIRATOR IS IN THEATRES NOW.
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Keith works in marketing, which isn’t nearly as evil as you think it is, and is wicked smart. He fought the urge to add any TBinns’ing to this article despite the film featuring Evan Rachel Wood, Alexis Bledel and Robin Wright. Follow him at twitter.com/Seen2ManyMovies
On second thought, here’s Evan Rachel Wood.
