The Green Lantern Origin Story Retraction and Lament
Dearest Correctness Readers:
Some time ago, I made a comment suggesting that the origin of the Green Lantern involved him being bitten by a radioactive lantern.
Obviously, this is not true. I would like to print this correction.
Hal Jordan, after his Kryptonian craft crashed somewhere near the Kent farm in Smallville, was lovingly raised by Aunt May until one fateful night.
Little knowing what awaited him, he was bombarded with gamma rays during a surfing lesson aboard a motorcycle. Arriving in hell, he was given one last chance to eat planets if he could travel back in time and prevent the murder of his parents outside of a movie theatre. In secrecy, he trained to avenge the death of his family by living in a pineapple under the sea. Finally, after stopping Captain Planet from misusing his “heart” powers, Hal was able to give the Care Bear Stare.
The land was green and good until the crystal cracked, and Hal Jordan was forced to go to Toshee Station to pick up more power converters. Yoda felt he was too old to begin the training, and so, with the rest of the Argonauts, he battled Loki in Valhalla. Upon his death, Hal Jordan returned to life 3 days later, and John Lennon said he was bigger than Hal Jordan, and Ryan Reynolds dated Scarlett Johansson.
I hope that clears up any confusion.
Sincerely,
RobbieRobTown
