Old Contest, New “Name TBinns Baby” Contest, Emma Stone Update.
Dear Supposed RobbieRobTown Fan club:
Some time ago, TBinns became convinced there was a vast, sexy conspiracy surrounding me. As a consequence of his delusion about my “fan club”, TBinns suggested we hold a contest to win a Dream Date with yours truly.
Here are some contest Fun Facts:
Total number of entries: 2.
Total qualifying entries based on rules: 0
Number of times Emma Stone, who I specifically invited to enter the contest, entered the contest: 0
TBinns is a dear friend, and certainly must not have intended to prove how immensely and universally disinteresting I am to women, gay men, and the complexly transgendered. Nonetheless, he has proven that only people who have personally met me are interested in a date with me, and my writing does not, in fact, speak for itself as some hilarious envoy of my sex appeal. My writing, in terms of its metaphorical function in acting on my behalf, is less like an diplomatic envoy, and more like an out of date newsletter with a strip of tearaway numbers, perhaps advertising the sale of a NES or a used mattress. There are bite marks on the controller from my sister.
Now, to be fair, the stakes may have been a bit high, the pressure is always on you folks to say “the funnies”, and I am sorry if that dissuaded any of you from entering. God knows, I feel the hot breath of the failure monster down my neck every time I submit the briefest quip to this intimidating website. Let’s take a moment to congratulate our two brave entrants for their work:
NotVictoria (whose name is actually Victoria) submitted a literal dream date she had with me in it, during which I committed felonies, apparently. Victoria was sadly disqualified because I can’t really make her dreams come true, nor can I eat at McDonalds without experiencing immediate, and violent, diarrhea. She is the winner by default though, and we are arranging dinner, anywhere but fucking McDonalds, that greasy nightmare fuckhole.
Irene (whose real name is Irene) submitted an excellent date involving passage aboard the Nostromo, and a show at Westworld, amongst other things. Irene was disqualified purely because of distance, she is in Singapore currently.
Emma Stone was disqualified by not entering at all, likely due to her fear that I am an insane fan who would harm her. I would not, but I guess young Hollywood can’t be too careful these days. Plus, she has never met me, and consequently has no idea of my improbable personal charm. She would be tearing my phone number off and shopping for a NES.
I think this should put to rest any questions any of you may have had about me, the contest, or Emma Stone.
Next contest: Name TBinns Baby! Rules: TBinns will name his baby whatever you suggest, no matter how stupid. Contest closes in 7 months or so…
P.S. Currently seeking the Ramona Flowers to my Scott Pilgrim- Though, if you are Kim Pine, that might be cooler…
