If John Krasinski DOES play Captain America
(Note: This is a repost of the original).
The rumor recently broke that John Krasinski of the Office is on a short list to play Cap in the upcoming Captain America movie. I never really thought of him as the type. I’m guessing they will have to make a few script changes. Changes like this, for instance.
Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.
(Captain America jumps down from the rafters, to confront his arch enemy)
RED SKULL: Captain… America is it? How fitting. Just like your country you are sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong…and just like your country, you have entered the war far too late. The missiles are set to launch. All I need to do is dispose of you….OH COME ON!!
(Cut to Red Skulls desk drawer, where his trusty luger is now covered in Jello. Cut to Captain America, who looks at the camera and smirks.)
Int. Office Day
Captain America is in the C.I.A. office speaking to the Camera.
CAP: I’ve always believed that mutated Nazi madmen just need to lighten up. I mean, everybody loves Jello, right? How can you not love Jello? You can put anything in it, canned fruit…bananas …lugers…(he smirks at the camera)
Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.
RED SKULL: How did you even…Ohhh it’s in the firing pin…these are collector’s items…YOU OWE ME A LUGER!!!
CAP: How do you know I did that?
RED SKULL: OF COURSE IT WAS YOU!!! Who else would have…?
CAP: I’m just saying that you have a lot of people working for you here, you give a lot of orders….people get resentful…
RED SKULL: Well there is this one guy….
CAP: See?
RED SKULL: SHUT UP !! IT WAS TOTALLY YOU!! But it doesn’t matter…you can’t stop the missiles now. Ah the rich Irony, that you Americans created the very Arayan Super Man that our regime has been fighting so hard to create. By trying to stop us, you yourselves are forced to concede we are correct, by your very existence! Freedom is a petty price to pay for the true Arayan nation to arise and conquer the inferior races…
(Captain America gives a pained look to the camera)
Int. Office Day
CAP: What I’ve learned about being a Superhero is that there is always going to be a monologue from the villain. These things can go on for a looooong time. You have to find ways to occupy your attention or you’ll go nuts. Ways like…slipping away defusing the missiles and replacing them with confetti bombs. (He smiles)
Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.
RED SKULL:…and THAT is why we will prevail…Look the missiles are launched, say goodbye to Uncle Sam, Apple Pie and…
(Missles explode, it is a hailstorm of Confetti)
RED SKULL: What? HOW? DAMN YOU CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!!!!!
(Enter Rip Tailor waving the American Flag)
RIP: Did someone say Confettii? HA HA HA! Whooopeeeeee!!!
Int. Office Day
CAP: Yes. I did hire Rip Taylor. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. (He smiles)
