How Canadian Thanksgiving Works:
Hello Readers!
It’s a holiday monday here in Canada, and I thought I’d just explain Canadian Thanksgiving to you if you aren’t from ’round here. Oh, that’s why The Correctness isn’t posting any funny today. Hahaha, yes, that is different from other days. Hahaha, DIE!
Basically, we all had our turkey yesterday. Seasonally, that’s because the harvest is already done, and practically because it gives us all day Monday to recover from that turkey hangover. There are no sales at the mall yet, except for Halloween candy, and Conan The Destroyer is on TV, as per traditional dictate.
When we gathered around our thanksgiving table, half of my family was missing or busy, and some showed up 2 hours late. Before we began eating, most of us grumbled about our food allergies, and those of us over 60 grumbled about their carefully monitored age-onset diabetes. Then many of us consumed our prescription medications. To be clear, the prescription meds we had to pay for, but the doctor’s vist we did not pay for. Oh, and I usually have something from my banjo playing herbalist. Yes, seriously. Oh, and my sister didn’t make it because she was wiped out from a difficult childbirth, and at one point there were nine health professionals in the room, including 4 doctors, none of whom she paid for. Those of us who did believe in God thanked the Lord for the arrival of young Batman to our family, and those of us who were agnostic- okay, actually, everyone is agnostic- thanked our socialist government for the arrival of young Batman to our family. His training begins at dawn tomorrow. My atheist mom does not believe in Batman.
Then, much like American Thanksgiving, we punish ourselves for a year of sin by packing gravy soaked stuffing into our chest cavities, until Jesus forgives us for watching internet porn. The more food we cram, the less sin. Oh, and if there is a CFL game on, we also punish ourselves by watching that.
Anywho, that’s why there is no funny today. The other days there is no funny because of our ennui.
