7 things you should already know about flying cars.
(Editor’s Note: This article was taken from a copy of “The Correctness” Magazine, June 3020 edition. It was found in the trunk of Rob’s car, after he took some type of time-related trip)
As you well know, Flying Cars have now been around since 2984, but it seems strange to The Correctness that many of you out there still haven’t mastered the basics of driving them. Here are a few simple guidelines that will keep us all safely flying.
1. Use your directional beacons
How many times have you been cruising along, minding your business, when all of a sudden, some japehorn appears from your upper left? Hey buddy, that’s what the directional beacons are for. Let me know you’re coming across and down. Speaking of which, it’s supposed to go across, then down. NOT DIAGONALLY. Did you even take flying car lessons?
2. Watch where you’re going
Look, I like live streaming visual internet as much as you, but do you have to check your spaceface account while you’re negotiating a turn in the downtown sector? That’s how people get permakilled.
3. The 700-850 ft zone is reserved for rapid travel
This is the oldest debate for drivers, but the 700-850 ft zone is CLEARLY marked as a rapid travel zone. If you are in that zone, and being overtaken, you should drop back below 650 ft to allow the more rapid driver to get past you. Don’t make him swerve around you, or slam on his reverse impeller. And yes, we’re well aware that the max speed in non urban zones is 420 kph, you don’t need to drive at the speed and slow us down to prove a point. You’re worse that the Hiltonites with that crap.
4. Don’t Spoilergate me
As mentioned above, no one wants to have to jam on their reverse impeller and spill hot protein matter on themselves. So keep your distance. If you need to pass, do so safely, in the designated altitude. The 200-400ft zone is made for less rapid drivers, so let them use it.
5. Watch for the Red Standard
If the standard is amber, you should be clearing the causeway. Some jurisdictions are adding focused plasma beams to intersections, to literally destroy vehicles entering the causeway on a red standard. It’s not worth it. Don’t like the law? Speak to your Praetor, or suggest a change to the Overlord directly.
6. Enough with the conversion kits already
It was understandable in the beginning, people didn’t want to have to buy a new flying car, and thus the conversion kit was born. But seriously, people, it’s been over 35 years since then. Conversion vehicles are ugly, difficult, and have a tendency to suddenly plummet directly downward, crossing through a number of zones on the way down. Just cough up the credits and buy a Nissan Altitude already.
7. Fuck you and your tiny car
We get it, okay? You bought your super-mini car to compensate for your overgrown genital matter. We’re all super impressed. Get a regular sized car like the rest of us, and save up for the genital matter reduction surgery. K?
If people would just pay some attention and get with the feed, we wouldn’t have to write these articles, but in the words of Grandwriter RobbieRobTown “Fuck you douchebags.Balls.”
Balls, indeed.
