Fast Food Fiction
Dear Correctness Readers:
We get it, you don’t always have time for the full impact of our 3000 word rambles, especially when it’s just a poop joke. Consequently, I have been publishing microfiction via twitter. Here are eleven of them, in no particular order:
1. Predicated entirely on her familiarity with Jane Austen, Eloise married the first male homeowner who stumbled into her punji stick pit.
2. Loneliness consumed him as he looked across the barren, nuclear wasteland and realized he was, almost certainly, the last ventriloquist.
3. “Wait a minute.” Thought Cortez, “This doesn’t look like the muffin I put down here.” He turned to the crew. “Who took my fucking muffin?”
4. Confronting his worst fear, Cory felt around in the darkness for the hammer. His hand settled on something soft and sticky- CUPCAKES!
5. Undaunted by the pitch of the ascent, Louise gathered what rope she could. Intent on reaching the peak by dusk, she missed her pill again.
6. A hush settled on them like a careworn quilt, as dusk hinted at stars. They smelt only lilac, and freshly turned soil from a shallow grave.
7. Though the scientific community was critical of her work, and the United Nations disapproved, she still felt her “Abortion Ray” had merit.
8. “Is this what you think love is? Answer me!” she screamed, but the awkward silence remained between them. Finally, her cat simply went away.
9. Though the thought of taking a social dance class left him brimming with revulsion, there was at least one advantage to all this: No Frank.
10. “Hold on, everybody! Fuck the presses! Fuck the presses!” he shouted into the printing room. Lou stopped and turned. Surely he meant “stop”?
11. After 35 years of marriage, Tina knew everything about Ed. Though, sometimes in life the contours of a man’s ballsack should be a mystery.
You can follow the moody and deeply mysterious Robbie “Maudlin” Robtown on Twitter: @robbierobtown or visit him on the webs: http://twitter.com/RobbieRobTown
