Dear Disposable Razor Companies
(Note: This is a repost of the original.)
Oh hey guys.
I was just thinking, you know what would be sweet?
How about instead of 5 blades that dull as soon as I glance at them, you concentrate on providing me 1 blade that is sharp? Or, how about instead of a lubricating strip, you provide me one blade that stays sharp? Or how about instead of a special vibrating handle, you manufacture a single blade that stays sharp?
Oh, and on a similar note, what is it about a vibrating series of tiny rusty blades that offers a closer shave? I am not a piece of mahogany, I am a human man person with fleshy face flesh. And don’t tell me an orbital sander is the right tool to shave with, and don’t tell me Norm Abrams would allow his five tiny oscillating blades to become rusty. He would wear safety glasses.
And how come my shaving cream has to smell like paint stripper? Is that to help strip my face, which is made of mahogany? Because my face parts are not wood, I just mentioned that.
Fuck you guys.
RobbieRobTown.
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Comments (7)
Gilette said on 28-01-2010
Gilette
Dear Sir
Thank you for your feedback. If you find our current line of products less than satisfactory you might be interested in our newest hair obliteration device- Gilette Face Fire Deluxe! Its a fire that you put your face in. Using the power of heat, the Gilette Face Fire Deluxe! will remove all facial hair, right down to the follicle. And its a good thing that you aren’t made of mahogany- anything that weak will be destroyed by any of our products!
1/4 20 said on 28-01-2010
1/4 20
i would just like to complain about your face fire deluxe. i purchased face fire deluxe about a week ago and it is already burnt out. the rusty dull razors gave a magically smooth shave compared to the smoldering, barely warm face fire deluxe. you guys suck. try adding a little more napalm to the formula, or MAKE ME A SINGLE SHARP BLADE. the barber down the street manages to do this and he is blind.
Gilette said on 29-01-2010
Gilette
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your feedback. As you may have noticed, one of Face Fire Deluxe!’s greatest features is that it is extremely disposable. Our engineers have specifically designed this product to wear out quickly so that you can experience the thrill of purchasing much more often. I’m glad you enjoyed our fine product so much!
1/4 20 said on 29-01-2010
1/4 20
in my disgust i have decided to boycott your crappy one use products. instead i have decided to buy a set of ceramic knives. these are amazingly sharp (wow, a sharp blade, thats almost genius) and they have a durability that is leagues ahead of anything your crappy engineers could create. they can be used to fillet the gilette salesman i have in the basement. i hope he tastes better than the reusable condom guy.
Skink said on 28-01-2010
Skink
I’m waiting for them to develop a razor with so many blades you have to mount it on the wall. Then you’d just do a kind of squat-thrust to run your face along all the blades. That would be smooooooth.
Keith said on 28-01-2010
Keith
in one of their first season, SNL did a sketch about a 5-blade razor. cause it was the stupidest idea they could come up with when looking at the double-bladed kind fresh on the market.
and so it goes.
Tbinns said on 29-01-2010
Tbinns
Is it me or does “Mahogany Face” sound like a Dick Tracy Villain?
“Give it up Mahogany Face!”
“Nyeah…eat lead Tracy” rattatatatatatatatatat….
