This week, Ramona Flowers (of Scott Pilgrim fame) vs. Carrie Kelley, the Robin of The Dark Knight Returns.
Let’s get it on like Queen’s Rook to Pawn. Rules are here. The bracket is here.
Admin_Rock
Back to the Smackdown!!! It’s been a while, I’ll have to go back and read some previous smackdowns to remember my “voice”. This week we have Ramona “Rammy” Flowers, Anime hammer girl from Scott Pilgrim fame. While I’m a huge fan of the movie, and also the comic books, Ramona is a tricky one to deal with. She’s strong, moody, and has this inter-dimensional thing going for her.
Carrie Kelley (henceforth Robin) is equally a mystery to us, as we have very few chances to see her in action. We know she’s spunky, agile, and smart as a whip. She’s the answer to the old “Frank Miller only writes women as prostitutes, etc” meme.
So, on we go.
The battle begins with the Klaxon going off. Robin quickly moves towards Ramona, who rolls her eyes and mutters something about the tackiness of Robin’s Red,Green, and Yellow outfit. She’s rewarded for her efforts with a foot to the head. Robin tumbles away, snickering. Ramona pulls her giant hammer out from her bag, and Robin stops to admire it.
Ramona swings the hammer around, and leaps toward Robin. She gets a glancing blow in, stunning Robin momentarily. When Robin looks up, Ramona’s hair has changed color from pink to green. “Whoa”, says Robin, getting clobbered yet again. Realizing she needs to start paying attention, she shakes off the hit, and readies herself. As Ramona swings, Robin jumps over the hammer and delivers a kick to the face, dropping Ramona, causing her to lose her hammer. As Ramona grabs for the hammer, Robin nails her with a chop to the nerve cluster for that arm, rendering it useless. She begins the slow and precise process of rendering Ramona unable to function, before finally crushing her windpipe.
WINNER: Robin, handily.
RobbieRobTown
First of all, you’ll note that my amended rules posted along with the bracket have been ignored. Once again, the married, parental 2/3 of The Correctness screwed me harder than a 1/2″ Dewalt- And just so I don’t get accused of contributing to rape culture, I mean they attempted to screw me to a crucifix and leave me to die. The sex was consensual. Merry Christmas!
What this does mean is that all bets are off as far as my lesbian fan-fiction submissions, but I’m a changed man and I am saving that for when I have fewer opinions.
Look, I know we trust the name “Robin”, because she is the ward of THE BATMAN. I’m sure Robin has picked up a few tricks from the Dark Knight, like how to talk in a deep bark, and how to be quite rich. Peeps, everyone loves Frank Miller’s Batman. Everyone. Except me. The illustration style, the dialogue, the totally unlikeable character choices, these are my concerns. Carrie Kelly is a product of Frank Miller’s brain, entirely. She has none of the benefit of being around the DC universe with a history before Miller got his mitts on her. Consequently, she sucks. She sucks all the way down to her leopard-print speed-skating suit (speed skating suit!). She sucks so hard John Dyson employs her full-time to inspire him. This is hard for me to say, because I think the Dick Grayson/Robin character is actually really great. Frank Miller gets a hold of a character and makes him darker, more tortured, less likeable, older, more aggressively drawn- blech. IT’s not just Miller’s fault, the Robin character has been sabotaged for years. Don’t even get me started on Damian Fucking Wayne.
On the other hand, we have Ramona Flowers. She is a character that has no inherent suck holding her back. She is an America Ninja. Not only is she a ninja, but she also functions within the video game physics of Scott Pilgrim’s world. Ramona has a complicated back-story too, but hers doesn’t make you hate her. She has a hammer, sure, but also a sword, and she was been known to tear public art out of the concrete base it is mounted to (I visited the location of this event in the Toronto Reference Library; it would be an impressive feat of strength) and use it as a club.
I can’t possibly imagine any way in which Shitty Robin takes this fight. Rammy has this hands down, in time for sushi with Stephen Stills. Shitty Robin swings a punch, and the Rammy cuts her in half, and thousands of dollars in Canadian currency showers down onto the victorious Ramona. She probably levels up too.
My only Christmas wish is for Ramona to win this fight.
Tbinns
Having not read the comics and seen the movie only once, I literally had to ask if Ramona Flowers did anything besides get her exes to fight her battles for her. Turns out she has a comically large hammer. And also “Anime powers” which I’m guessing include the ability to jump in the air while weird shit goes on in the background, and the ability to say “Huuuuuuhhhhhh!!!????” a lot.
So basically, she’s a less powerful anime Thor with serious commitment issues and chameleon hair. Got it.
I am more familiar with Robin. Figure she didn’t come here to go billy on chicken legs till she’s dusted. Carrie don’t shiv Canadian Anime Girls. She balls nasty.
This one might just come down to coaching. Look who Carrie has in her corner. Batman’s got 48 hours to load her up with every trick in the book. That’s about 47 hours more than he actually needs.
On the other hand, the question must be asked, would Carrie also have to face the seven exes? And if so, whom could Ramona date, sleep with and break up with in 48 hours that would then be enslaved by her magical vagina and forced to fight for her? Superman? Batman?
After giving it some thought I’m going to say no to the exes. I believe the idea is if you want to DATE her you must face the exes, it says nothing about wanting to kick the crap out of her. But apparently Ramona is also a Ninja. This could be really good.
So on the platform up high is a giant two handed hammer and a sling shot. The horn sounds.
Ramona leaps into the air, with motion lines streaming out behind her.
“Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” She screams.
“Huhhhhhhhhhh?” she says, as the batarang lodges itself firmly between her eyes, and she drops to the floor.
Three hand springs later, Robin drives the batarang further into the skull with one green boot.
As she leaves the arena she is inexplicably showered with digital gold coins.
There are ninjas. and then there are ninjas trained by Batman. No Christmas for you Robbie Robtown.
Robin for the win.
So Robin advances, and it’s Game Over for Ramona. Disagree? Agree? Let us know. But remember to show your work.
