Ode to the douchebag on the dirt bike driving around my neighborhood at 11 pm
Unknown warrior,
He who doth not yield to the chains of life.
You who know not when to say “die”.
Pushing further and further into the night,
You touch the throttle, and fling yourself
into destiny.
I, who can only stand still, and watch.
I, voiceless, wait furtively.
I turn my face to the pale moon, and
silently
call to you in vain
“It’s 11 o’clock at night. Stop driving repeatedly down the street,
You fucktard.”
The Mystery at Burlington Manor
“One of you”, said Inspector Harris to the group that had gathered in the library, “strangled Sir Anthony here in this very room!”
The Correctness Book Club: Pride and Prejudice
The Correctness Book Club
This Week: Pride and Prejudice, as reviewed by Dave, Rob, and Tony.
R: Hi everyone, this week we’ve been reading Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. I am told that this is one of the great Regency period Romances.
T: I’m a big fan of the Regency.
D: I stayed at the Regency in New York once. It was really nice- a bit dialogue heavy, but nice.
R: Let’s begin with the important parts. I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, but I’d like to take a moment to judge this book by its cover.
Travel Guide to Middle Earth
Good news everyone! We have excerpts from the 2009 guidebook to Middle Earth!
Staying in the Barrow Downs:
Accommodations:
Accommodations are available, but dusty at best. If your room has a barrow wight, you’ll want to put in a call to Tom Bombadil, his songs are the strongest.
Weather:
While the weather on the downs itself is temperate, the weather inside the barrows tends to be clammy and chilled. You probably don’t need rain gear, as the thought of returning to the surface will be overwhelmed by the soul-sucking desire to stay where you are and die.
The Love Song of J. Xander Douchebag
I grow old… I grow old… I shall wear the bottom of my Gap denims rolled. Shall I spike my hair up high, Do I dare to eat a Dragonfruit, I shall wear Old Navy Capris, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the Jonas Brothers singing, each to each I do not think they will sing to me. Fuck it, I’ll just get frosted tips.
The Lonesome Death of Joe Alderaan
There was nothing particularly strange about this Thursday morning as Joe Alderaan, a chartered accountant from Newark, downed the last of his coffee and headed out the door to work. At least, not until he got outside, and found a giant mettalic orb filling the sky. Ironically the last thing that went through his mind was