An Open Letter to Microsoft re: Word 2007: LIST OF DEMANDS
List of Demands: Microsoft Office Word 2007 for PC
Dear Microsoft Office Team:
I have used your product for Mac extensively, and it works fine. However, your product for the PC world, which as I understand it, is 95% of your market share, is a deplorable prison rape of a program. It is worse than a searing hot knife up the urethra. Microsoft Office Word 2007 for PC is worse than having a tiger swipe out your eyes, and then piss in your eye sockets, marking your skull as territory with its feline reek. It is worse than eating a bowl of tapioca pudding, only to discover both that it was actually a bowl of silverfish, and that you are made of wool. Your product is worse than being bound naked with duct tape to a steel folding chair, and being forced to pay an exorbitant mandatory admission fee to watch a live gang bang of Glenn Beck, who then, mid blow, starts delivering an angry TED talk about his feelings on something about which he is ill informed, like particle physics, US politics, or reality. It is worse than the Batman and Robin film. I do not enjoy your product.
No further pleasantries. This is a list of demands:
Open Letter to Maxim
Dear Maxim
A well meaning soul recently sent me this link to your 13 hottest nerd crushes. While certainly give you points for singling out Grace Park over Tricia Helfer , out of your 13 ,I agreed with less than half. This is when something I always suspected became confirmed for me.
Open Letter to Wile E. Coyote
(Note: This is a repost of the original). Dear Mr. Coyote, It’s not really about the food anymore, is it? Was it ever? If you have the time and money to invest in an engineering degree, which judging from your methods you obviously have, then clearly you have time to dial up your local fast food joint and order up a big old bucket of extra crispy road runner with a side of cole slaw. But that’s not it, is it? He tasks you. He tasks...
An Open Letter to LinkedIn
Dear Linkedin: First off, congratulations, it’s “open Letter” week here at The Correctness. Way to make the rant list! Now then: I understand you are a social networking site of some kind. I understand that such things are important. People need them for things and stuff, and to date businesses and poke plenty of fish. Social networking also helps us maintain pointless and chilly friendships by “liking” something. By the way,...
Open Letter To Seth McFarlane
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Dear 24
(Note: This is a repost of the original).
Dear 24:
I never thought we’d get to the place where I would have to do this, but I’m breaking up with you. It shouldn’t come as much of a shock, we’ve barely seen each other in the last year or so, and neither of us seem every interested in staying together. Between my lackluster interest in you, and your refusal to change, or try anything other than the same old tired tricks, well, it’s inevitable.
When we first got together, I was in awe of you. Your smart, choppy style, your boundary pushing narrative devices, the way you showed me what everyone was doing the last few seconds of each hour. And when our second year together started, I was shocked at the ferocity you showed.
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