The Correctness Presents: Trite Zodiac Comedy!
Monthly Horoscopes For May 2010
Looking for the answers? Well they are here! Vague as ever, yet somehow magically tailored for you and your swollen nuts! The month of May will be tricky for many signs in the Zodiac, because even if you are a girl, you will have swollen nuts. Please enjoy our prognostications, and remember: If you heard it on the internet, it’s probably true.
Magic 8 Ball: A Motion Picture Event
According to this and several other sources online they are making a Magic 8 Ball Movie.
I would like to take a moment to discuss this in a calm and reasonable manner.
Open Letter to Generation Y
Dear Generation Y, or more specficially, those of you who work the drive-thru window:
Shut the f#%k up. Seriously. Ask me what I want, and then, here’s the tricky part: SHUT. THE. F#%K. UP. Wait, and actually listen while I tell you what I want to order.
I know you’re all special, and unique, and a pretty snowflake, and beautiful in every single way, but neither of us is getting anywhere faster if you keep interrupting me…
Read More
No, I LOVE Jesus.
Alright, you heathens, you keep insisting on asking us about our romantic affiliation with Jesus. The volume of mail about us and Jesus is overwhelming. Every day, you people, with your questions about Jesus, and who kissed who first. Well, there is nothing going on between us and Jesus, but we’d surely like a crack at hitting that.
How Hard We’d Hit Jesus:
I’d hit that so hard it would take Jesus an extra day to come back at Easter.
I’d hit Jesus so hard they’d have to give out Cheerios instead of communion wafers.
Read More…
Open Letter to the Prejudiced Dickhole T-Shirt sales “man”.
Dear Dickhole:
All I was trying to do was buy a superhero T Shirt at a comic book convention. Let me recap our conversation for you:
You: (plausibly friendly) Does anyone need a hand with anything?
Me: Yes, actually, I could use a hand. I don’t suppose you have any shirts in a size small?
You: (turning slightly) No Man, we never do, we just never – not at the conventions.
Me: Oh. I see. But you have an online store, is that right?
You: (getting douchey) Yeah, but you’ll never bother me there.
Me: I beg your Pardon?
You: (douchier still) I said you’re never gonna bother me there Man.
Me: I see…
You: (getting your shovel) Yeah, cause in the last 5 years I have had, like, 2 orders for size small stuff.
Me: Look, it’s okay, I’ll move on…
You (digging a trench for the battle): Yeah, and you know what’s wrong with you small people?
Smackdown AWESOME UNDERCARD 2: Robin vs. Aquaman vs Goats on Bikes
Smackdown: AWESOME UNDERCARD 2: Aquaman vs. Robin vs. Goats on Bicycles
Since our much criticized elimination of Robin and Aquaman from our Superhero Smackdown, our fans (okay, one fan) have been calling out in eerie unison: “Bring back Aquaman and Robin!”. You have climbed the steps of Mt. Seleyah, you have smelled the smell of salmon on your hands, you have been, and ever shall be their friend. Well, your prayers have been answered, because as the still unmarried 1/3 of The Correctness, I alone have the time available to pander to our superfans* (*fan). I have been a little busy fellating donkeys to think the really deep thoughts, but we’re not here to talk about what I did to which species, or who saw what and told which ladies, sealing my celibate fate.