CORRECTING: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The Correctness is a website that’s only about comedy, you think. But, remember, you also thought that Stonewash denim was a good idea, and that Uggs were awesome. You were wrong. The Correctness plays many important roles in your life. One of them is to provide replacements for disappointing films. Today, we tackle the mess that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
An Open Letter to Microsoft re: Word 2007: LIST OF DEMANDS
List of Demands: Microsoft Office Word 2007 for PC
Dear Microsoft Office Team:
I have used your product for Mac extensively, and it works fine. However, your product for the PC world, which as I understand it, is 95% of your market share, is a deplorable prison rape of a program. It is worse than a searing hot knife up the urethra. Microsoft Office Word 2007 for PC is worse than having a tiger swipe out your eyes, and then piss in your eye sockets, marking your skull as territory with its feline reek. It is worse than eating a bowl of tapioca pudding, only to discover both that it was actually a bowl of silverfish, and that you are made of wool. Your product is worse than being bound naked with duct tape to a steel folding chair, and being forced to pay an exorbitant mandatory admission fee to watch a live gang bang of Glenn Beck, who then, mid blow, starts delivering an angry TED talk about his feelings on something about which he is ill informed, like particle physics, US politics, or reality. It is worse than the Batman and Robin film. I do not enjoy your product.
No further pleasantries. This is a list of demands:
No More Heroes Already
It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of superheros, and comic books. Also, love going to movies. But I’ve come to a conclusion, one that might seem incredulous or shocking on the surface: Hollywood needs to stop making superhero movies.
(Scapulaman, possibly the next big superhero film?)
Maybe not entirely, but 94% of the projects in development should just be scrapped. No Avenger, No Iron Man 3, No Thor, No Spider-Man 4. No prequels, no origin stories, nothing. We’ll let the 3rd Dark Knight movie go ahead, but after that, let’s ban them from Hollywood for another 5 years or so.
Read More…
The Tale of SEO Jenkins
“I wonder if Bono and U2 are going on tour this summer”, thought Jeff Jenkins, while checking out his new iPad. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and was trying to find ways to help fall asleep. So far, he’d been forced to scroll through a number of articles about naturally increasing the size of your penis, to his chagrin.
“Enough of this”, he declared. “I don’t give a damn whether or not Paris Hilton is hanging out with Justin Bieber, or whether the rumors about Conan O’Brien getting a new show are true or not. I’m going out for a nice, relaxing run, followed by some hot yoga.”
The Weekend Horror-thon: a Review
A Saturday filled with chips, cola and Hi-def Gore.
The idea came to me after seeing the Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie Double Bill. It had occurred to me during that campy fun slightly gross show that since my wife HATES horror movies it had been ages since I had seen one.
Correctness Confessional:
Not every time, not even most times, but today, it was I who farted in the elevator.
I took it down to the lobby, I waited, I farted, I got out, and I laughed as you all rode up to the tenth floor in my lingering stenchcloud of bowelhate. All seven of you, in my deep sea of reek.