The Correctness Archives 1910 – Hand Washing is Government Propoganda
(ED: Today’s article comes from our vast archives. This originally appeared in the July 1910 issue of The Correctness.)
The Correctness is concerned about health issues, as we all are. With all this talk about Hand Washing, we’ve decided to get to the bottom of the issue, to help you avoid any confusion.
CLAIM: Hand Washing can kill germs that make us sick.
We’re not ones to hop on a band-wagon, but there seems to be some validity to this. Earlier this year, Dr. Josephine Baker began program in New York City to educate child care workers about hygiene issues like hand washing. Opponents to her program are claiming that such measures are reducing the need for doctors and health care, and that such a thing will cause a lack of illnesses.
We decided to speak to many of these indidivuals, to hear their complaints. Here is what they had to say:
Things that won’t help with the H1N1 Virus
The Correctness has seen a lot of stupid things in its day, but few more stupid than the recent spate of “alternative remedies” which purport to make you immune to H1N1. Things like “wash your hands”,”gargle with salt water”, and “drink oil of oregano”. Washing your wands is a great practice, and gargling with salt water makes your throat feel nice, they won’t increase your body’s immunity to an airborne virus. Many people are claiming that the H1N1 vaccine is “untested and rushed”. We’re assuming that these same people can point us to the Lanset Journal article on the double-blind study on the efficacy of Oil of Oregano. Well, we’re waiting…
In light of this, here are some other things that won’t raise your immunity level.
Click to Read More
Canadian TV Current Events Explained:
Dear Reader:
Some of you have been wondering what exactly has been going on with Canadian cable television? What is this argument between the large cable providers and the networks in Canada? Likely you have seen the advertisements with the sincere looking broadcast school graduates doing their best to represent either side of this issue, whilst also gamely trying to disguise the knowledge they surely must have that, because they accepted the work as the spokespeople for said companies, they will never work in Canada again, for either cable or network television.
Basically, what is happening is this:
Canada is a vast nation that is sparsely populated. Really, to comprehend just how vast is difficult, because so many of us live along the US border, anxiously awaiting an invasion because we still have some clean water. This, by the way, is the reason that we are actively using up all the water we can in the oilsands. If you Americans come for our water, and we have already poisoned it all, first point goes to us. We’ll burn the crops all the way to Moscow, this is just preemptive.
My Financial Advisor is God
I saw a headline once on Yahoo.com that claimed more and more people were turning to the Bible for financial advice.
This is very odd to me. If you found a copy of the Wall Street Journal that was over 2000 years old, would you take the “Hot Stock Tips” or would you find them just a tad out of date?
The Correctness Guide to Seducing a Nerd
Even though many of your people have never yet been enticed by the subtle delicacy that is Nerd Love, in time, you will find yourself inexplicably tempted. You will find yourself drawn to nerds like a moth to a plasma stream, or , possibly, a flame. We will draw you in with our intense passion for very specific things, we will draw you in with our charming inability to admit to being wrong about said things, we will draw you in with our extensive collections of things- Come to think of it, I’m not sure what our exact appeal is, but every year more and more non nerdy people find themselves suddenly and inextricably attracted to nerds, and you will need some advice. Oh- even if you didn’t need advice, we are going to give you some advice, rest assured of that if nothing else. Advice will be given, and you can smile quietly to yourself and tell us to go back to our RPGs.
How does one seduce a nerd, you ask yourself? That’s easy. Offer it sex. Did it refuse? It did? In all likelihood, you may have some serious work to do then.
The Correctness Recommends: Sept 3,2009.
Tens of you e-mail The Correctness, having recognized our competence at guiding you through your journey to being Correct. You ask us “Correctness, what should I spend time on this weekend.” And so, we bring you our recommendations. Not all will be current releases, but all will be worthwhile.
Movie: Blindness (2008)