Open Letter to Generation Y
Dear Generation Y, or more specficially, those of you who work the drive-thru window:
Shut the f#%k up. Seriously. Ask me what I want, and then, here’s the tricky part: SHUT. THE. F#%K. UP. Wait, and actually listen while I tell you what I want to order.
I know you’re all special, and unique, and a pretty snowflake, and beautiful in every single way, but neither of us is getting anywhere faster if you keep interrupting me…
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Fashion Affliction
I recently spent a weekend at the West Edmonton Mall, home of various lemurs, waterslides, and aging amusement park rides. While each of those things is worthy of much attention, the thing that was consistently evident was this: Men’s fashion is in a dire state of affairs. I’m talking worse than the 70’s. Worse than the 80’s. Makes the flannel of the 90’s seem like a 3 piece suit. The ratio of awfulness...
University Protest Conundrum
Recently, the provincial government announced plans to increase university tuitions by 1.5%. I am a Canadian, and in a medium-expensive program so 1.5% of my total annual tuition is $90. Appalled by the government’s fascistic money-grab, Our Student’s Union recommended all of us students take a weekend out of our lives, go away from homework and theses, and drive to our provincial capital for the weekend. There, we would protest at...
Caution: May Cause Side Effects
While perusing through an issue of Tiger Beat Entertainment Weekly, which we extended our subscription to weeks before we noticed that it no longer cared about anything entertaining, we found an ad for a drug that claims to help you stop smoking. While The Correctness is 100% non-smoking, we noticed the ad itself was a full page, but the warnings and information for the drug took up no less than a two page spread. Amongst the usual info, we saw some pretty crazy stuff.
Remember, this is for a drug meant simply to help you stop smoking.
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6 Appalling Pop Cultural Trends of the Last Decade:
…Look, obviously these artists got some radio play, but they were drowned out by a sea of shit deeper than the Navy’s finest shit-sub could ever fathom.
REO Speedwagon? Hair Metal? What Peter Cetera did to Chicago?
Here’s one for you to remember: Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” Is not a good song. It is popular because it is hilarious. Don’t forget the irony built in to enjoying this song and start just enjoying it as is. It is not a good song. It is ridiculous. You like it because it is ridiculous. You might also like it because you never had to deal with it the first time around. I’m blaming you teens again….
Attention!
If you use the term “Party Cardi” out loud, we will seriously come after you and take a massive handful of sand, and pound it up your ass. Unless you like that sort of thing. In which case, we won’t!