Action Hero Smackdown WHICH IS TOTALLY FIXED: Han Solo vs. Mad Max
ACTION SMACKDOWN!
This week: Mad Max of, uh, those Mad Max movies vs Han Solo, recurring peripheral character in the Sit Com known as Star Wars
An open letter to Jim Carrey in regards to Emma Stone, who, as yet, has not entered the contest to win a date with me.
Jim:
A while back here on my comedy website thing, which is highly regarded by my mom, I invited Emma Stone to enter the “Win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest. She did not enter then, nor has she submitted an entry since I reopened the contest earlier this summer. To be fair, Emma Stone hasn’t the foggiest idea who I am, or if I am charming, homicidal, or both. So, to preface this letter without any further speculation, I am not writing this to tell you to keep your mitts offa my lady, as such a statement would be untrue, sexist, and incalculably fucktarded.
The Goddamn Intern is Fired
Dear Correctness Readers:
Since the addition of our new intern, Smunchy, or whatever his name is, I have been soft pitching him awesome ideas for your comedic enjoyment. Like, underhand soft-pitching. “Hey, Krunkles”, I have been saying about the office, “here are some amazing ideas to base an article around. All you have to do is stir and enjoy!”
“I’ll get right on it!” Blumpie would say.
Here is a list of ideas that Ringo has totally neglected to turn into articles for you people.
1. Mumford Cuthbert’s Comfort Cupboard
It’s a mattress store. The proprietor is named Mumford Cuthbert. It sounds a bit like “comfort”. The tagline for the hilarious advertising is “It’s Mumcomfortable!”. How the fuck is this not funny, Benji? Are you too busy having your sexual sex with your female human girlfriend to write this script? Disappointing.
2. A Case for: Covington Cross
Holy Shitsnacks! Is that Covington Cross?
The Ungiving Tree: An Inspirational Tale of Unconditional Love
The Ungiving Tree
Once there was a tree and she knew a little boy.
She was okay with him-
Haiku Story Cycle for the Homophobic Dudes in the Truck who Threatened Me.
I’m out for a walk!
What a perfect night for this.
Lilac in the air.
Oh, shit. Goddamn it.
A truck mounts the curb. Assholes!
Easy to spot them.
Seatbelts unbuckling.
They check for cops and see none.
This looks bad for me.
Truck with a Hemi
That is a big engine, boys.
compensating for…?