A Minor Observation Re: “Street Performers”
From the full article: Finally, if your drum circle isn’t drawing a crowd, and so you add, without regard to their skill level, two women with hula hoops, and if they look sincerely intense as they gyrate, eyes closed in the tragic fiction of rapture, and if you throw in someone fire-spinning in a pair of wrap pants you brought them back from your trip to Kopipi, and once every ten minutes someone makes an announcement that this is a show, and if there is no sense of order, structure, focus or purpose to your fiery, hoopy, shitty circus, then that is not a show….
I would rather give money to the kitten on a leash, which, may i remind you, is not a show…
Do read on…
My Life According To The Relative Size of Girls?
On seeing this facebook note trend:
“Choose only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on… You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Repost as “my life according to (band name)”. ”
If I choose the Smiths, will people start calling and asking me if I’m okay again? Because I’m fine. No really, I’m feeling fine. I’m just busy… and it’s just so very dark in my apartment…
Pick your Artist:
The Smiths
Public Health Emergency Advice
The Correctness received this impassioned plea for wisdom a few days after the close of our contest, but we felt it warranted special attention, due to the serious public health concerns:
Dear Correctness,
Could you please help me and my friend with a problem we are having. As residents of South East Asia, it has come to our attention that many people are afraid of contracting H1N1. This in itself is annoying, as the current strain of the virus appears to be as terrifying as dermatitis, and quite a lot less irritating.
Time Travel FAQs Part 1: Folding Time
… Q: A popular technique for time travel that I often hear discussed is “folding time”. How does folding time help to travel through time?
A: Well, it’s a simple as this: Imagine time is this piece of paper (Rob holds a piece of paper). Now imagine we could do this (Rob bends the paper to touch in a couple of places) so we could pass from one point in time to another. Well time travel is not at all like that. It’s more like if I did that paper bending thing, except with time instead of paper. Paper is more like paper than it is like time, it’s just serving as a physical analogue in this case. Like, I guess you could create similes about how paper is like time, but why bother?…
See full text for instructions…
Advice from The Correctness
Oh Constant Reader, you may recall that in order to celebrate our 100th member of our facebook group, we held a contest requesting your best “advice column letter”. We also asked you to sign off with a clever acronym that summarized your troubles, like “NERD” or “BATMAN”. The Correctness is pleased to announce that the contest submissions are in, and one of these lucky advice askers will receive dinner with The Correctness! Imagine an entire evening of smarminess! But first, we know that you want our advice, and we are delighted to offer it to you, smarmily. Contest winners will be announced shortly!
Dear Correctness:
When I married my husband I was a regular person with a passing knowledge of superheroes…. (continued)