Canadian TV Current Events Explained:
Dear Reader:
Some of you have been wondering what exactly has been going on with Canadian cable television? What is this argument between the large cable providers and the networks in Canada? Likely you have seen the advertisements with the sincere looking broadcast school graduates doing their best to represent either side of this issue, whilst also gamely trying to disguise the knowledge they surely must have that, because they accepted the work as the spokespeople for said companies, they will never work in Canada again, for either cable or network television.
Basically, what is happening is this:
Canada is a vast nation that is sparsely populated. Really, to comprehend just how vast is difficult, because so many of us live along the US border, anxiously awaiting an invasion because we still have some clean water. This, by the way, is the reason that we are actively using up all the water we can in the oilsands. If you Americans come for our water, and we have already poisoned it all, first point goes to us. We’ll burn the crops all the way to Moscow, this is just preemptive.
How Canadian Thanksgiving Works:
Hello Readers!
It’s a holiday monday here in Canada, and I thought I’d just explain Canadian Thanksgiving to you if you aren’t from ’round here. Oh, that’s why The Correctness isn’t posting any funny today. Hahaha, yes, that is different from other days. Hahaha, DIE!
Basically, we all had our turkey yesterday. Seasonally, that’s because the harvest is already done, and practically because it gives us all day Monday to recover from that turkey hangover. There are no sales at the mall yet, except for Halloween candy, and Conan The Destroyer is on TV, as per traditional dictate.
Miley Cyrus’ Unicorn Rainbow Rescue Team
How shocked was I when the whole series, after weeks of encouragement, was roundly rejected? Answer: Totes shocked, for truesies. I felt completely manipulated. Here are some samples from the letter written to me by Miley Cyrus’ production team.
“…Completely inappropriate for the target demographic”
“…Zero merchandising potential, and a larger potential for fostering mental illness, but at a bare minimum psychologically destabilizing”
“…An incalculable indemnity nightmare”
continued…
Beneath the Catacombs of Madness! A Choose Your Own Adventure Story.
This excerpt from a Lovecraftian “Choose Your Own Adventure” story, unpublished and partially complete, was submitted to The Correctness anonymously.