The Correctness Presents: Trite Zodiac Comedy!
Monthly Horoscopes For May 2010
Looking for the answers? Well they are here! Vague as ever, yet somehow magically tailored for you and your swollen nuts! The month of May will be tricky for many signs in the Zodiac, because even if you are a girl, you will have swollen nuts. Please enjoy our prognostications, and remember: If you heard it on the internet, it’s probably true.
Open Letter to the Prejudiced Dickhole T-Shirt sales “man”.
Dear Dickhole:
All I was trying to do was buy a superhero T Shirt at a comic book convention. Let me recap our conversation for you:
You: (plausibly friendly) Does anyone need a hand with anything?
Me: Yes, actually, I could use a hand. I don’t suppose you have any shirts in a size small?
You: (turning slightly) No Man, we never do, we just never – not at the conventions.
Me: Oh. I see. But you have an online store, is that right?
You: (getting douchey) Yeah, but you’ll never bother me there.
Me: I beg your Pardon?
You: (douchier still) I said you’re never gonna bother me there Man.
Me: I see…
You: (getting your shovel) Yeah, cause in the last 5 years I have had, like, 2 orders for size small stuff.
Me: Look, it’s okay, I’ll move on…
You (digging a trench for the battle): Yeah, and you know what’s wrong with you small people?
Smackdown AWESOME UNDERCARD 2: Robin vs. Aquaman vs Goats on Bikes
Smackdown: AWESOME UNDERCARD 2: Aquaman vs. Robin vs. Goats on Bicycles
Since our much criticized elimination of Robin and Aquaman from our Superhero Smackdown, our fans (okay, one fan) have been calling out in eerie unison: “Bring back Aquaman and Robin!”. You have climbed the steps of Mt. Seleyah, you have smelled the smell of salmon on your hands, you have been, and ever shall be their friend. Well, your prayers have been answered, because as the still unmarried 1/3 of The Correctness, I alone have the time available to pander to our superfans* (*fan). I have been a little busy fellating donkeys to think the really deep thoughts, but we’re not here to talk about what I did to which species, or who saw what and told which ladies, sealing my celibate fate.
Travel Guide to Middle Earth
Good news everyone! We have excerpts from the 2009 guidebook to Middle Earth!
Staying in the Barrow Downs:
Accommodations:
Accommodations are available, but dusty at best. If your room has a barrow wight, you’ll want to put in a call to Tom Bombadil, his songs are the strongest.
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An Open Letter to LinkedIn
Dear Linkedin: First off, congratulations, it’s “open Letter” week here at The Correctness. Way to make the rant list! Now then: I understand you are a social networking site of some kind. I understand that such things are important. People need them for things and stuff, and to date businesses and poke plenty of fish. Social networking also helps us maintain pointless and chilly friendships by “liking” something. By the way,...