The Correctness Guide to Body Disposal:
The Correctness Guide to Body Disposal:
So, you’ve murdered someone! You’ve had one of those arguments with, for the sake of this article, a smallish pig. Perhaps your pig was treacherous, manipulative or downright cruel. Maybe your pig was abusive. Maybe you and your pig couldn’t sort out who the real father of your piglets was. Maybe your pig was a national security threat, and even if it wasn’t, you’d best start telling yourself that. In any case, things got a little heated, words were spoken, it all got out of hand, and now you have about 160 pounds of pork to dispose of, and right quickly at that. Maybe your pig weighed a bit more or less, but he or she had it coming.
Young Housewives with Ray Guns! Part 1
At 22 years old, Emily was hardly the youngest housewife in West Cloverdale. Indeed, she like so many other attractive young women had carefully played by the rules, attracted themselves a husband, and been swept away to the suburbs.
Though not the youngest, Emily had one thing going for her- one thing, set aside a prizewinning pair of legs from a darker period of her life when she danced naked for beatniks. The “Miss Rack 1958” contest had been a battle hard won for her- No, what Emily had going for her was that she was smart as a whip.
LOL Happiez!
Hai Correctness Readers!
LOLsies! Some of you guys sure seem to be in a real pickle about my emotional state! Golly wonkers, it sure is nice that you are all so concerned about my lovemeter readings, but I’m as pleased as a fry in a fish hatchery these days, I assure you!
Just in case, I’ve collected a whole bunch of adorable images, and I’ve written some wholesome commentary for each one! Nothing political here, just good old fashioned warm feelings in your tummies.
A basket of puppies! If they were a basket of apples, I’d pick them for a pie- OF KISSES! Delightful.
Smackdown: Awesome Undercard 3: CareBears vs. GummiBears vs. Berenstain Bears vs. My Increasing Disillusionment
You have been asking, you have been waiting, you are a fictional construct I am using to build tension. Finally, what “you” wanted is here: Another correctness.com Awesome Undercard event to tide you over until the next full on smackdown series.
In this match-up, it’s every bear for himself- Or, every bear for himself and his or her family, cousins, distant relations, or loosely knit community! And if that wasn’t enough, they are facing off against me, and my unfathomable ennui! That’s right, it’s Care Bears vs. Gummi Bears vs. Berenstain bears, vs. My Increasing Disillusionment.
An Open Letter to Emma Stone Regarding Our “Win a Date with RobbieRobTown” Contest
Dear Emma:
By way of introduction, my name is RobbieRobTown. Okay, actually, my screen name is RobbieRobTown, but my actual name is Handsome McSwashbuckley, or possibly Spacey McDinosaur. You can request my real name at your convenience, I’m just not posting it here, that would just be stupid- I’m a student teacher for God’s sake, so I really don’t want my adorable grade 1 kids next semester looking up my last name on the intertubes and seeing the kinds of things that either A) I say in the name of satire, or B) people say about me in the name of internet anonymity.