Super Heroine Smackdown Week 4: Kitty Pryde vs Batgirl
This week, it’s fan favorite Kitty Pryde vs Gotham’s favorite daughter, Batgirl:
Let’s get it on like David Fong (Guy I went to school with, he was a self-starter). Rules are here. The bracket is here.
Admin_Rock
This one is not nearly as tough as last week, we have Kitty Pryde, the “It” girl of the X-Men (let’s be honest, the writers are all ‘everyone is hot for Jean, but we all started reading comics when Kitty was introduced, and have goooooood memories of her.), who is smart, ninja-trained, and has a freaking dragon. Against her, we have arguably the best written female character in comics, Batgirl, who is no slouch in the kicking-Mc_hitty department.
I can guarantee the argument everywhere is the old “you can’t touch Kitty” thing. Which, while not always true, is also garbage writing. Over the years, Marvel has let the character bloat run wild, at this point, nothing ever can ever hurt Kitty . Except…. we’ll get back to that.
Barbara Gordon has the problem of learning how to beat her. She has a pretty strong weapon on the bench though, the master planner. But I don’t even think she needs him this time. I have a feeling Babs is enough of a detective to sort this on her own.
The bell sounds, and Kitty remains in her phased state, chuckling softly to herself. Barbara hesitates for an instant, and then makes for the weapons platform. Kitty is confused, and looks over at the platform. There, in all its shiny glory is a big old Magic Sword. Kitty decides to try and stop Batgirl, but by the time she gets there, Batgirl has the sword in hand.
Kitty swoops in, and takes a glancing blow from the sword, which disorients her, and causes her to re-phase. Batgirl steps in a gets a good shot to the leg before Kitty can recover and withdraw. She’s in all kinds of trouble now, bleeding from the leg and dizzy. Her ninja skills kick in, and she holds Babs off for a series of attacks, but eventually, she caves, and Batgirl closes in. “bet you Didn’t think I did my homework. Magic weakness, and massive overconfidence stemming from your powers. Shame”. Batgirl finishes her off.
Winner: Magic, and Batgirl
RobbieRobTown
Garbage writing? GARBAGE WRITING? I take umbrage, Admin_Rock! UMBRAGE! I am umbing so actively right now, I don’t know where to start. This site was built on two simple precepts: Number 1: You can’t hit Kitty Pryde. 2. RRT gets to whine about his dick.
Well, oh patient readers, my dick is broken, and, to quote myself: YOU. CAN’T. HIT. WHAT. ISN’T. THERE.
Not being able to hit Kitty Pryde is basically canon on this website. It’s our oldest law. It is written in the Vatican Basement of our site, which is, like, I guess my closet or whatever…But what about the other retarded canon of this website, you ask, hypothetically? Which canon? The recently established “If it has ever said a word to, touched, or been in the same room as Batman, it wins any fight”. Well, as 1/3 of the correctness, I am retconning that shit. Writers have canon because they write in serial instalments without any specific ending in mind. I don’t know what the grand story arc of The Correctness is, but what I do know is that I will make these other two assholes pay for their incomprehensible quantum-Batman-entanglement theory. Oh! Wait- Okay. Bat Girl has been trained by Batman sure, but in 1981 there was a DC/Marvel crossover. In it, Batman hires Bruce Banner to do research and then, for whatever reason, fights the Hulk. The Hulk has fought Wolverine. Wolverine is a mentor to KItty Pryde, therefore KItty Pryde is quantum entangled with Batman, so now it’s anybody’s game. If it’s anybody’s game, you can’t punch a fucking ghost, you asshats.
Winner: KItty Pryde
Loser: Continuity, and Quantum Physics.
Tbinns
So this is gonna bite me in the ass. I said that Carrie would beat Ramona Flowers, because of coaching. If you have Batman in your corner, you have a huge leg up.
Or at least you have a huge leg up against someone whose superpower is changing her hair colour at will.
On the one hand Kitty is all…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5X5zh00rdg
But if Batgirl DOES manage to get some sort of enchanted item, she’d be alll
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iiryJwvDtc
So the bell sounds, and Batgirl finds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpGIxMVJm5s
Kitty phases through the floor because
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW68T84RLHw
And Batgirl basically tells Kitty to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyTtFNGzFsE
but to no avail because as I recall Barbara Gordon was
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHHCJhbZOxs
by
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89QliWlKHGY
But I haven’t really kept up on continuity…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGLR25EJtfE
So, I’m giving this to Kitty Pryde based on a powers versus no powers basis.I don’t think Barbara has enough time to find, and exploit a weakness. Perhaps you disagree with me. That’s fine. Perhaps you think I’m a semi literate moron whose opinions count for nothing because they are clearly brain damaged. In which case…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAV0XrbEwNc
Winner: Kitty Pryde. And You Tube.
So Despite having a name that sounds like a drag queen, Kitty Pryde advances to the next round “Untouched”. See what we did there? Ha! We’re awesome. If you disagree, let us know below.
