Anti Vaccination Activist Still Doesn’t Have Polio
Calgary
The Correctness Press
A local anti-vaccination activist is suing the Alberta government over “Orwellian vaccination programs” that have left her utterly without a trace of polio.
Whinnie Choad held a press conference today to address her claims that her parents and the medical system “gambled with” her life. “I was only a child, and I had no choice in the matter of my vaccinations,” she said, completely free of polio. “How could they have done this to me? It’s a violation of my human rights”, she continued, standing on her totally undeformed legs.
Choad went on to explain the extensive, but irrelevant research she has invested in her lawsuit. “I spent, like, 23 minutes looking up seriously real scientific stuff about vaccination. Have you heard of squalene? It’s in sharks, and Mediterranean diets, and in vaccines, sometimes!” She said, holding the hand of her undeaf, non-blind son who had not been in his first trimester when Choad had not had Rubella.
When asked about the researched health benefits of squalene, which is nonetheless rarely used as an adjuvant anyway, Choad added “Yeah, I went to a lot of websites that had nice little natural looking leaves in the logo. It looked natural, so I know that vaccines are wrong.” She displayed some data from a powerpoint presentation as herd immunity helped her and her son narrowly avoid a resurgent case of measles making the rounds.
“Until there is better research on the side effects of vaccinations, neither I nor my child will have anything to do with your fascist regime.” She added, not understanding what research science is or how it works. `”If I can leave you with one thing, I’d like to leave you with this: Vaccines cause autism.” Choad concluded, not having autism.
Choad came armed with an impressive series of experts to back up her claims. Kramps Magman PhD (candidate), works for the prestigious Harvard School of Medicine. “Based on my research, vaccines cause cancer and homosexuality.”, said Magman. “Oh, for the record, I’m almost a PhD in Linguistics, and I teach ESL upgrade classes for foreign doctors at Harvard, but I’m still very much involved with the medical community, to whom I teach urgent subject-verb agreements. Anyway, I’m basically a doctor already, albeit of linguistics, and I work at Harvard Medical building, albeit in the cafeteria on a tutoring basis, so, yeah.”
Magman tearfully presented his findings. “If I hadn’t been vaccinated, I’d be super hetero right now. As it is, ever since I even THOUGHT about getting my flu shot, I’ve been really quite gay. I had to spend thousands at those summer camps with other young men in the sweltering heat, chopping wood and such.”
Also providing evidence for Choad was Dr. (of Tourism Studies) Crushing Underloins. “In my expert opinion, no one would believe the nonsense they’ve been spoon-fed about the supposed moon landings, unless they were vaccinated.”. Underloins went on to explain that the mind-alteriing experimental serum in all vaccines since 1968, related to MK-Ultra, was responsible for our “collective delusion about the American space program. No one landed on the moon, that’s what Big Pharma wants you to think. And don’t even get me started on climate change! That’s a myth caused by the MMR vaccine so you will stop consuming so much. It’s only logical.” Asked exactly how that was logical, Underloins laughed.”They have brainwashed you to buy less, so you transport less, so that global warming doesn’t- wait- anyway, that’s THEM also”
Speaking directly to The Correctness Press after the event, Whinnie Choad offered some parting advice. “We need people to open up their eyes. Go online, do a few minutes of “research”, eat some burritos, jam some dentures up your bum, bend over and talk out of your ass before it’s too late. Also, chemtrails.”
