You’re Getting Too Old for this S*#!
Not sure if it’s just co-incidental timing, or studios wanting to burn these films off in the slow season, but we’ve been hit with the 1-2-3 punch of action films starring some the greatest names in Action cinema.
In 1988, if you told me I’d get a Stallone, a Schwarzenegger, and a Bruce Willis film within months of one another, two things would be true: It would be summer, and I would be really happy. But 1988 was a LONG time ago. Now it’s 2013, and this triple threat is well… sad.
Is it the studios thinking that the big names will still bring out the crowds? The actors who want one more big payday before they head off in to the sunset (Indy tried that, but they pulled him back in)?
Listen, these guys are my Dad’s age. I love my Dad. A lot. He’s pretty awesome. But he’s also 70. I get to help lifting heavy things for him now. No fault to him, age happens. I’m no longer a super awesome 20 year old. I’m starting to get that grey stripe in my hair that disgusts my wife with its distinguishedness. 70 is not a good age for action heroes.
We need to talk about this, because our action heroes deserve better. We need to remember them as they were. We don’t want to start hitching them up with young co-stars to “pass the torch”. They need to start taking the cameo roles, or the Chief of Police who tries to reign in the crazy mavericks.
I mean, look at this…
You can’t stop looking at the flappy skin on his neck, can you. You can’t. You’re thinking “Damn, he’s getting old”, and “There’s no way he can jump on that truck. He’d need a hand up just stepping in to the truck bed”.
Bruce, the point of Die Hard was “one man against the odds”. Now it’s “I brought my kid, and he’ll do the heavy lifting”. Also “I’m hanging out with this alcoholic dude”.
Stallone… Not looking too bad, actually. But still, he’s like Sopranos old now. It’s time gentlemen, it’s time. You don’t want this sort of thing happening
Don’t get me wrong, these guys are legends, heroes of mine. But we need to face facts, recast and reboot if we want more John McClane, more Indy. There is no other option.
