Open Letter to the Snorg Tee Girls
Oh Snorg Tee Girls!
Your enthusiasm for casual wear is matched only by your “gee whiz girl next door aww shucks” cuteness.
Look at you there, in a t-shirt , drenched not with water like those OTHER sites with just the sort of girls who would never talk to us…but drenched with some charming bit of pop culture ephemera about elephants.
Rest assured, the hilarity of your t-shirt is what is drawing my eyes there…the fact that your rack is pinning the needle on the awesome meter is just a happy coincidence. Yep the only thing better than hilarity is hilarity and boobs. The Snorg people understand this better than most.
YOU LOVE LAMP? I love lamp too! I also saw that movie and understand the reference! Now I totally have a shot with you. Together you and I will bask in the illusion of your approachability based on our non existent things in common that I have erroneously inferred from the t-shirt you are wearing.
Yes, Snorg girl. You are a big deal. For you are incapable of taking a picture with your mouth closed, and you love Anchorman as much as I. Tell me Snorg Girl, whatever shall we do on our magical first date?
OH! You! A Double whammy! Sexuality, innocence and yet another Will Ferrell quote! And there is your belly! There it is, every bit as hot as a Victoria’s Secret model, but less disdainful of me in high school…because you are a geek too, an impossibly hot one. THE BEST KIND!
But whats this? A MATH JOKE? That means you are super smart and your hotness has in no way made you shallow, intellectually lazy, or likely to spurn me like that girl I was tutoring in my spare time who said I was gross. You know that problem in this instance has a double meaning in the context of math. That blowjob your lips are promising is surely imminent. Let’s do the math on what you plus me equals.
HA!! Yes, that’s right I WAS being sarcastic, but you are so smart and into geeks, you knew my silly joke was meant to be taken ironically. I wonder what else we have in common?
Wow this is crazy. I hate Twilight!!! What are the odds?A hot chick who also hates Twilight? I thought you were a myth like Unicorns and Lindsay Lohan’s comeback but there you are, looking radiant and popcultureful .Do you want to play with my wand? Accio snorg girl tee hee hee…whatever shall be displayed across your young nubile chest I wonder?
Oh…it’s …
I uh…
I don’t get it.
But PANTIES!!! GLORIOUS PANTIES!!!! Where are your pants, you naughty thing?
Woah…were are YOUR pants, Missy?
Wait a minute, where are MY Pants?
Oh, here they are around my ankles. But don’t worry. You girls are different. I won’t pleasure myself to you the way those insensitive jock bastards do to Playboy bunnies and Maxim girls. I respect you, because you are so geeky and nerdy but no less hot than any of those girls.
Still, let’s have another look at this one.
Yes. You are a cute, approachable nerd who in no way is manipulating me into buying a t-shirt with a slogan on it that will be completely off of the pop culture radar by the time it is delivered to me.
Well, since we respect each other so much, I guess ONE TIME couldn’t hurt…
I’ll be in my bunk.
(Oh hey, you should put THAT on a T-shirt!!)
