Binky Bells… Disgruntled Elf
It’s December first…the day we are all legitimately allowed to play Christmas music and tear open that first little Advent Calendar Flap and eat the first waxy, tasteless chocolate of the season. In the spirit of the holidays, I’d like to suggest you follow @TheNorthPolar on Twitter, if you are the tweeting sort. He’s a disgruntled Elf I created last year at work as a promotional project. I had so much fun with it I’ve decided to make it an annual thing. Here are a couple of Binky Tweets to get you started.
RobbieRobTown and the Curse of the Alphabetical Ladies
Hello Correctoids.
As you know, I maintain my own twitter feed, @RobbieRobTown, on which I occasionally tweet thoughts of tremendous importance. However, one such incident resulted in an inexplicable hack of my account… I think… Allow me to explain.
I tweeted the following:
“In Green Lantern Rebirth, they chase Parallelogram back into that big lantern on Oprah. Does that mean they have to fear The Colour Purple?”
Fast Food Fiction
Dear Correctness Readers:
We get it, you don’t always have time for the full impact of our 3000 word rambles, especially when it’s just a poop joke. Consequently, I have been publishing microfiction via twitter. Here are eleven of them, in no particular order:
1. Predicated entirely on her familiarity with Jane Austen, Eloise married the first male homeowner who stumbled into her punji stick pit.
2. Loneliness consumed him as he looked across the barren, nuclear wasteland and realized he was, almost certainly, the last ventriloquist.
The Tale of SEO Jenkins
“I wonder if Bono and U2 are going on tour this summer”, thought Jeff Jenkins, while checking out his new iPad. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and was trying to find ways to help fall asleep. So far, he’d been forced to scroll through a number of articles about naturally increasing the size of your penis, to his chagrin.
“Enough of this”, he declared. “I don’t give a damn whether or not Paris Hilton is hanging out with Justin Bieber, or whether the rumors about Conan O’Brien getting a new show are true or not. I’m going out for a nice, relaxing run, followed by some hot yoga.”
A Critique of Celebrity Tweets, and Primarily Justin Bieber:
Recently due to a scheduling snafu, I missed out on an opportunity to give a public reading of the most hateful literature I could find. First, I recommend if you are in the Vancouver area you check out the “Say Wha?” show on June 8th, but in the meantime, I have located the motherload: The immensely compelling world of celebrity tweets, and specifically the genre-defining work of Justin Bieber.